500mph

numbers cannot fix this

Peace out

Hello children. I hope you're all enjoying the holidays and staying warm in the midst of this freaking cold. No posts as I took off for a few days and now I'm back, faced with the ever sharpening picture that is supposed to be my reality. No worries, everything seems better when it's set to a worthy soundtrack. Will post when a thought makes its way through the void.

I'm reeling at the collective tragedy that has hit much of South Asia. In a matter of hours so many thousands of lives have ended and millions' more have been indelibly altered. Praying for a sense of calm in all this destruction, puts my own senseless crap in perspective. God bless.

Loose ends

I never really thought I'd miss university, but my weekend in Boston has reminded how much I miss my friends. I don't miss being at school, actually I'm quite happy to be done but the time I spent with friends has made me so nostalgic for times gone by. Many of them are still lulling around there working and pissing around without the nonsense of college overshadowing 5am 'nights'. The last lot are graduating this year, and will be going back to their random corners of the world and who knows when I'll see them again. I wouldn't miss this as much if I was with the ape, but living at home is crap. Need to get a move on.

Sometime soon, I'll tell you all about how my friends, a group of prime suspects, were pulled over in Maine by Homeland Security on their way home from a camping trip. It doesn't get more colorful than that.

Mira, my partner in crime on our DC trip, gave me a pot of this stuff and I haven't been able to stop touching my skin since I used it. Defeating the purpose, but it feels amazing. At $110 an ounce, I don't think I can afford this addiction.

After all my moaning, I had to take this home for fear of this wreaking havoc and causing this to cancel. It was absolutely lovely, no security and probably took less time door to door than if I had flown. Who would have guessed?

I also saw Ocean's Twelve last week. I didn't think it was as bad as everyone is saying, but it is easy to lose track of what's going on. Needless to say, I was more surprised than most at the ending. The song you must hear is The A La Menthe by Nikkfurie.

straight lines

I've been decidedly brain-dead these past few weeks. I was a bit stressed about my exams, and the last one passed today without much flourish. I'm relieved, but mostly just exhausted. Still trying to make sense of my decision to take this position, as the more I learn, the more I am realizing that I need to get out of it as soon as I can. On to something more interesting, engaging. I'm naive yes, but I have no intention of overcoming that. There is something better, and I will bitch and moan until I get there. I don't care, don't give me shit about being grateful. I'm better than this, and sick of nodding and smiling to placate the excuse-makers. I think I'd love to join the Foreign Service. I've already passed the exam, but never went through the interview process because, well, I'm not prepared to start defending the bullshit this administration is pushing. I've worked in an Embassy, and I was intoxicated by the environment. There are some seriously smart people around there, the kind who find themselves shaking their heads at the irony of the context of their position and the reality of the situation. I don't think I'm prepared to do what I really want yet. I mean I'm not mature enough, I still think that right and wrong exist. Again, I'm not interested in changing. I tend to find clear-cut and irrefutable conclusions, and am hypocrtical and contradict myself all the time. I don't really know what to say about that, it's just me.

Sometimes, I get this eerie feeling that this isn't real. Usually this comes after a sleep and it takes awhile to remember where I am, to make sense of my surroundings, of who I am. When I figure it out, I get so sad and promise myself that this isn't it. Sometimes I get this feeling completely randomly, I'll be walking down the street and have to stop my thoughts and think.. what's the point, this isn't real. It just isn't. How can it be? I mean the majority fo everything we care about, that we think is important is all constructed by us, for us. Think about all the things that we do because we are supposed to them, and if etiquette or some arbitrarily derived sense of responsibility didn't drive us, we wouldn't do it. Like giving gifts on someone's birthday. I was worried about exams that really have no value or weight in the real scheme of things. Reality is the jungle. The real, living, breathing one, not the concrete, paved, sterile life we've built up here. The one where thing's aren't 'fair'. I'm thinking this is a fairly generic feeling. Ugh, I sound like a smelly hippie. That's not it, I swear.

My paternal grandfather completed a PhD in Agriculture here in the States and went back to the motherland to work on development. My memories are a bit blurry, but suffice it to say he was a high-ranking government official and travelled all over the world researching various plants and crops that would be viable back home. He would always experiment with weird plants in his house, from varieties of cotton to Malaysian palms to whatever else is out there. He and I always planted a mini-field of sunflowers when I was fortunate enough to visit. One summer, I may have been 8 or 9. Or 12. I don't know. Two of my other cousins and I were permitted to accompany him to a rainforest in Bangladesh where he was collecting samples and things. We lived in a house on stilts for a week, accessible by a ladder that had to be pulled up at night to prevent unwanted visitors stopping by. I don't remember being scared when I heard the howls, screeches and whatever other noises imaginable at night. I remember trying to figure out what everyone was talking about, what was happening. I remember being so excited when the thought dawned on me: it was life. This was where the real shit happened. You died if you made a mistake, you lived another day if you were fortunate to have the right combination of skill were under the graces of luck. That was all there was. There were fires lit around the base of our hut to dissuade any of the more ambitious creatures wishing to make our acquaintance. There was also a tribe living nearby, not fond of outsiders but, not surprisingly, welcomed my grandfather. They lived. They faced the most crucial decisions each and every day, the ones that really mattered. I don't know what it was about this that stirred me, and I think that my resentment now goes back to this. The shit I care about now doesn't really matter. I hate myself for it, for considering things that are irrelevant in the long run. For honoring the constructions, the molded plastic.

I am not sure what I'm talking about, but I figure I might as well talk and eventually something will make its way through to let me move forward.

Swindle

I have managed to destroy not one but two power source things during the two point five years this laptop has graced my life. In both instances, the rubber coating cracked and the underlying wires were exposed and ruined at the point of connection to my computer. Thus the adaptor has forsaken its duty of charging the battery. The first was the result of mishandling on my part. I had this nasty habit of pulling on the cord to bring it within reach, like pulling a stubborn Staffie on a lead. Charming, I know. I learned my lesson when I had to drop 80 dollars for a second one. However careful I was this time, it has succumbed to the same fate. Not counting this one time my sister tripped on the cord (which was neatly tucked under the desk, mind) and completed a gold medal-deserving face plant into the plush carpeting. She is talented on many fronts, it runs in the family. The computer's potentially tragic fall was broken by the cushion of the seat, thankfully. Because the warranty on this power source has just expired last month (and I have long since thrown the receipt), I have decided to swindle Apple and have it replaced under my brother's warranty. This is my confession.

Good Question

In Kuwait, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld takes questions from U.S. soldiers bound for Iraq. Spc. Thomas Wilson of the Tennessee Army National Guard asked the secretary why soldiers have to scrounge around in scrap piles to find material to armor their vehicles.

Listen to the short NPR clip here.

I don't know what's more worrisome - the poignant question or the shameless, insolent, arrogant and irrelevant response. Rotten bastards. And they have the nerve to talk about supporting our troops.

Iraq Uncensored

For months on end, these seven independent photographers and filmmakers have worked exclusively in Iraq documenting US troops and Iraqi civilians, resistance fighters and child laborers, imprisoned women and incarcerated youths. Using varied media and narrative styles ranging from photojournalism to first person narratives, cinema verite and found photography, Iraq Uncensored photographers present insights and subtleties beyond what daily news reporting can provide.

Together they will present rare windows on Iraq, the land that cradled what we now call civilization.

LINK

Found on Anselpixel's ever-resourceful site.

procrastination works

Allright, so I was going to fail my exam today with about 95% certainty. It is the easiest of all my exams but doesn't matter how straightforward the questions are if I straightforward-ly don't know my shit. I pissed around all weekend and these past two days (during which I'm paid to prepare). Had my requisite cram session last night, peppered with a bit of blogging of course. Slept a few fitful hours, not because I was studying but because I was thinking about the wonders of the world. This morning I complete another hour of stuffing information into my apple-shaped head, and have a shower. Notice my mobile ringing, look at the NYC area code and think, 'What a bastard for calling me before my exam. Doesn't he know better than to call me now?' Rings again from the same number, I ignore it. Third time, I'm feeling a bit bitchy. Okay time to relieve some tension. Instead of being greeted with the cheeky response of a friend who doesn't write me off even though I'm quite probably the worst mate ever, I hear a sugar-coated voice on the other end telling me that the proctor is ill, they don't have a replacement and the test centre will not be opening today, I will have to reschedule.

I'm going shopping.

Befuddled

Am I the only one in the world who doesn't know what 'emo' means? I suspect it has something to do with 'indie', which with my astute powers of deduction I have determined to be short for 'independent' and often used to describe music. I am also suspicious that 'emo' is short for 'emotional'. From here, I'm not sure where to take the fork in the road.

Another prime example of my version of deep thoughts as an attempt to abate the panic of failing an exam. What does such a reaction mean? Does it mean I try to avoid discomfort? But then who is the idiot who wants to run into a wall of fire? Aside from a hero, I guess. So does that mean I'm a coward? Or maybe I need to do this to 'dumb' my brain down to take something on merits, as a problem to solve rather than approaching it as the ominous giant it has become?

On an unrelated note, the spinning instructor had a classic rock cd on today. The last working song, usually the most difficult, ended with a 4 minute jam session by The Grateful Dead. I generally hate jam sessions unless I'm at a fabulous show at a fabulous venue. What kind of torturous human being plays a session with no predictable ending at the end of a spinning class?

GDBO

Varsity match tomorrow.

EDIT
Okay so the Dark Side was class, and are justly victorious by all accounts. Pfft.
Ape's dearest friend was knocked out in the 23rd minute, woke up during halftime to get up and warm up to get back on the pitch. South African beast. I wish I was there.

Tiananman Square

That, my friends, is not only poor printing but also a whole lot of haze and humidity. I feel hot just looking at the photos from that day. No, not that kind of hot. Chairman Mao's well-preserved body is on display here in a glass coffin, for the viewing pleasure of a neverending line. I couldn't stop picturing tanks rolling in when I was walking around here.

Temple

This is the same temple I mentioned below, located in Wuhan. It is the only photo that I edited with Photoshop - I took out a strategically placed rubbish bin and two people who jumped into the frame. My first adventure with Photoshop, are the editions obvious? Is it bad I enjoyed erasing people? For the record, I hate being a tourist and particularly try to avoid taking photos in sacred places. At this particular location, they marketed themselves for tourisits including selling the same shoes the monks wore at the gift shop, as well as film. That and the architecture was too beautiful to pass up. I left the interiors in peace.

Fortuneteller

He charged a small fee to let me take his photo. I couldn't resist.

Documenting my fortune: I will have good luck.

Perspective

These fellows were keeping watch over a Buddhist temple in Wuhan.

Just a glimpse of thoughtful detail found throughout the Forbidden City.

Daylight

I don't have anything more interesting to report than the fact that I bought new trainers. They are great, thanks for asking.

I think of things I'd like to blog during my day but my brain is blank when I come here to explore them. Hopefully, as I get adjusted to this working nonsense, I will soon have enough stamina to command thought during the entire day rather than in fits and spurts as is the case now.

Too many commas

I am decidedly not a cheerleader. I hate those positive little sayings mostly because I want to smack the people who say them. Sometimes, randomly, I might be in a good mood and glean pearls of wisdom from the ongoings around me. I must stress though, I'm generally grumpy and the more excited you are, the less interested I am in hearing what you are spewing. Actually if you really want to send me into a frenzy, state the obvious. Try it. Interestingly, though, it pisses me off even more to be around negative people. A contradiction worth exploring, perhaps. Bah, consistency makes for a bore.

Anyway, this morning in my spinning class, something stuck with me. A wonder in itself.

'Give it a quarter turn. An eighth. One thirty-second. Doesn't matter, make a change.'

Go on then.

Helping the Helpless

This is such a great story, and I'm a sucker. So, here goes.

Dolphins Prevent NZ Shark Attack

A group of swimmers has told how a pod of dolphins protected them from a great white shark off New Zealand's coast.

The lifeguards were training at a beach near Whangarei on the North Island when they were menaced by a 3-metre shark, before the dolphins raced in to help.

The swimmers were surrounded by the dolphins for 40 minutes before they were able to make it safely back to the beach.

Marine biologists say such altruistic behaviour is not uncommon in dolphins.
...

It was an uncomfortable experience, as they were circled by a great white shark, which came within a couple of metres.

He said around half a dozen dolphins suddenly appeared and herded the swimmers together. The mammals swam in tight circles to create a defensive barrier as the great white lurked under the surface.

The swimmers said the dolphins were extremely agitated and repeatedly slapped the water with their tails, presumably to try to deter the predator as it cruised nearby.
...

They have no doubt that the dolphins acted deliberately to protect them.

Researchers have said they are not surprised. A marine biologist insisted that dolphins, which are considered to be one of the most intelligent mammals, "like to help the helpless".

Question

I wonder if having dreams about being active and awake actually take away from sleep. Why do I feel tired after waking from such dreams? Is there something to it or is it all in my oversized, apple-shaped head? Or maybe that's just it. Exhaustion and restedness are largely controlled by our minds or-- is it all physical? Am I just responding to the thought of activity by being tired without actually checking the symptoms or am I actually tired? This sort of questioning could suit a lot of problems I have. I mean, how many times have I gotten a headache after thinking 'I'm getting a headache' because I was thinking that or because I was actually due for one? I am in constant awe at how powerful our mind is and how much it controls, but really, it doesn't break arms. How much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy and how many of our successes and failures are due to conscious responses to events and consequences that take place outside our fantastic brains? I wonder.

Such conundrums occupy my synapses (synapsi?) on test days, and so I thought I'd share this one with you. Maybe writing it here will help me purge the thought and enable me to commit my sparse brainpower to more pressing matters.

Note: I passed my exam, but just barely. I was absolutely convinced I was going to fail because, frankly, I was unprepared and was scoring below par on my practice exams. This doesn't help much in figuring out my question posed above. I guess it doesn't matter, for now anyway. I'm going to go putz around for the rest of the weekend. Later.

Congrats are in order

I just found out that one of my friends, Daniel from Oz is being flown in for the England-Aus match at Twickenham this Saturday. He's a young up and coming player, definitely worth watching.

I knew a fair amount of the guys who played for the Syd Uni Rugby Club as the ape played there before he was injured. Daniel played for a different club but had gone to school with one of our other friends. One of the most colorful characters was our friend Wayne. He is of Chinese descent but grew up in Trinidad Tobago and studied in Toronto. He is an incredibly nice person, but also a perplexing one to chat with without knowing his background. How many Chinese do you know can pull off a 'mon' ? Wayne was what you might call 'out of it' as he was in his early thirties, married with a kid and lived a life heavy on the ganja. This conversation, among many, does well to paint an accurate picture of the innocence of Wayne.

'Daniel, what do you really want to do? Where do you want to go?'
'I want to be a Wallaby'
'Son, if you really want it and work hard, with a bit of luck you'll get there, I've seen you play. Just keep working hard and don't lose hope.'
'Thanks'

Unbeknownst to Wayne, Daniel had been called up for a Tri-Nations match the coming weekend and everyone had been excitedly talking about it just 3 minutes before.

Good luck this weekend!

Stuffing the Void

Last night, I watched Peter Kay's Phoenix Nights. It makes me laugh harder every time I watch it because I finally get things that flew past during earlier viewings. It is definitely a worthwhile investment. If you don't find it for the piece of genius it is, I'll buy it from you.


I want to have some thoughts to share, but I'm afraid I've pretty much switched off. I had a pretty big exam last Friday, which in retrospect wasn't that big after all. I wish I had gotten so worked up over exams and essays in college, I would have graduated with a 4.0. Instead, I didn't take anything seriously, as it never really mattered. At the very least, I would have come up with something more interesting to show for four years. After I passed my exam on Friday, I was on cloud nine. I had not only passed it, I killed it. I was on my way home, waiting for my train at the Hoboken station and in the bathroom I came across this little old lady washing her hair in the sink. Her back had hunched over so much that she could no longer lift her head up and was forced to keep her chin pressed to her chest. I felt horrible. There I was elated about a stupid, ultimately insignificant exam when people all around me are suffering. I am healthy, happy; I have a solid family, despite their insanity, and so much more. And I was worried about a stupid test. I know this sort of thinking doesn't really achieve much but I felt like a right ass for putting so much emphasis on something pretty stupid. What's more, I have another exam this Saturday and another in two weeks from then and I will only get through them if I stress about them.

My parents haven't told anyone about the ape because we're not officially engaged. It's not okay for their daughter to have a 'boyfriend' and so as far as anyone else is concerned, I'm single. As a result, I keep getting hints about men I should meet. Arranged marriage is very much a part of my culture and I have mixed feelings about it. If I was single, I'd probably be open to being introduced to someone because I can't be arsed to date. When I was younger, I had the fairly typical rejection of the prospect, but I've since realized that it has its merits. You enter an arranged marriage with less expectations than you would if you were in love, and thus are less likely to be disappointed, and more likely to be amenable. I'm the first one to say that no one should lower expectations, but I think this is different. In an arranged situation, you both have high expectations for happiness but less of a mold you expect the other to fill and thus are more willing to go further to build a stable family. That's what marriage is, to me anyway. It's not about pride and expectations of the other. My parents met in college and had what everyone calls a 'love marriage' and have had their share of hell when I was younger. They've since grown out of it and, despite the random arguments, they get along fairly well now. Many of my friends' parents have had arranged marriages and none of them can recall the tumult that I experienced while growing up.

Still, it's irritating that my parents don't properly acknowledge the ape. They ask about him all the time but when I mention he wants to come visit and meet them, they want the whole traditional package with his parents coming as well and 'asking' for me. Bah.

I didn't have anything interesting to write for this post, I wrote though. Sometimes that's all I can ask. Or maybe I should have just stayed quiet as I had nothing useful to say. Stay quiet. Right.
Enjoy the Thanksgiving holiday!

Rambles

I know I've bitched and moaned about SUVs before, but that tirade was directed towards the operator rather than the vehicle itself. I think they're wasteful, but I'm a hypocrite in my condemnation as my father drives one (not a Hummer). That said, I think that the FUH2 website is pretty funny, and Mira took this picture in its honor. The driver found it as amusing as we did and was laughing as he posed for his 75mph picture.

I had a great weekend. My old college roommate, Mira, and I went to Washington DC, which is about 200 miles from my house. Despite this reasonable distance, the total mileage of our trip was 596.6 miles. What, you might ask, could two reasonably respectable young ladies possibly be doing to rack up such great distances? I can't answer that question in its entirety because I don't really know. We got lost. Very very lost in and around that freaking city. I made more U-turns this weekend than John Kerry during his tenure as Senator (according to Karl Rove, anyway). We didn't get lost on a leg trying to, say, find some obscure place in Virginia. In fact, between our arrival and departure, we didn't travel much past the Arlington National Cemetary in Virginia and Silver Spring, Maryland in the other direction. I'd say the majority of our miles were spent within Washington DC's city limits. It takes a special genius to get hopelessly lost in a city that is largely organized according to a basic grid with lettered and numbered streets. I volunteer that both Mira are I are kin to this special breed, evidenced by the fact that between the two of us, we took nine pairs of shoes for just one night and an afternoon. Two of these nine pairs are actually suitable for walking. In our collective wisdom, we decided to travel to an unfamiliar city without a road map, and thought we'd be able to figure out an address with our astute powers of deduction. We were right idiots trying to find our way around what felt like Escher's Relativity.

On many occasions, while I would heartily be thinking to myself that we're definitely going in the right direction, that it feels right, Mira would pipe up with: 'Uh, Apple, I think we're going in the totally opposite direction from where we want to be.' Needless to say, it was a very long night.

I'm going to go nurse my stomach, which is sore from laughing. I'm absolutely knackered as I haven't slept more than a total 5 hours since Thursday. Peace out.

the Ape

Okay MP, you want to hear about the ape. I don't know what to write, but I'll just ramble on here for a bit. The Ape is a 25 year old specimen representing qualities of intelligence, humour, adolescence, athleticism, love, innocence and kindness. This is by no means an extensive list because he is a creature of great mental and emotional depth. Nor is it in order of importance, basically I listed these qualities just as they came to my mind. He continues to develop and adapt so the possibilities are endless, really.

I met him in London in January 2002 while visiting my cousin who was living there at the time. I didn't warm to him at first as he seemed pretty arrogant but then I remembered that I'm arrogant as well. It quickly became obvious that we were unusually well suited to each other, both in our interests and aspirations, and we just got along well. That in itself is a great feat for me because, this may come as a surprise, but I'm not an especially friendly person. Mostly I just get annoyed and nod and smile until I reach the exit. Endearing, I know. The 'connection' as it is cliche-ed was definitely there and served as a wake up call because I had been fairly pessimistic about people like him. I just didn't think they existed. I'm not really one to put people on pedestals, but it was a surprise and a comfort to meet him. This isn't to say I haven't had my doubts and frustrations, but I guess I managed to keep the big picture in mind. Our relationship has been a bit distorted due to distance as we were both still in undergrad then. When we were in Sydney together, it was a bit of a shock to both of us as we are both fairly independent people. I am not at all bothered to do things on my own, and neither is he. The first few months were extremely difficult for me especially: coping with having a 'boyfriend' took a lot of adjusting. I am no longer afraid to say I was relieved to come back home for a month and spend time away from him. When I went back, things were a lot different for both of us, we had spent time on our own regrouping and the rest of our time in Aus (about six months) went by in bliss, with the resident bumps of course. Being apart has definitely taken its toll, but we've reaped a lot as well, I think.

He's now doing an mPhil with full intention to study for another few years to complete a PhD. I'm working now, mostly because the thought of writing another essay triggers massive migraines for me despite the fact that I have a lot of questions I wouldn't mind exploring academically. We'll probably end up in England or South Africa, but the near-term depends on where he wants to do his PhD. He's considering American schools but it's up in the air for now, he may stay where he is. I started this specific job because of its mobility: I don't want to stay here long-term and definitely don't want to raise my kids here and I have an option to go virtually anywhere and be gainfully employed.

I guess it would suffice it to say that I've never really been one for dating. When I was in high school and college, the whole production seemed incredibly futile. Also, I never came across anyone I could stand to kiss. Ape and I will be married fairly soon and are and will continue to be very happy (God willing), but I don't have a dream that I'm counting on. We have some really difficult times and conversations as well as periods of absolute bliss. Nothing substantial has ever really threatened our future, but that's more a reflection of our attitude than circumstance, I think. I guess this writing doesn't really reveal it, but we are very much in love and excited about each other, but don't take 'us' for granted. I am often reluctant to share my thoughts about him because I never feel like I've done them or him justice. I guess part of me also doesn't want to tempt fate. But then, if it isn't one illusion, it's another isn't it?

I don't know where I'm going with this post, but it is mostly written per a request. Not sure what you're going to glean about me or ape or our relationship, what I've left unsaid and such. I'm sure there's plenty. I'm certain I'll revisit this but that will be after I pass my exam tomorrow. Send your good thoughts my way, people, I definitely need them.

the words and pictures that define time

Ten by Ten is a unique and provoking way of looking at developments throughout the world.

Every hour, 10x10 scans the RSS feeds of several leading international news sources, and performs an elaborate process of weighted linguistic analysis on the text contained in their top news stories. After this process, conclusions are automatically drawn about the hour's most important words. The top 100 words are chosen, along with 100 corresponding images, culled from the source news stories. At the end of each day, month, and year, 10x10 looks back through its archives to conclude the top 100 words for the given time period. In this way, a constantly evolving record of our world is formed, based on prominent world events, without any human input. Brilliant.

Found this gem on IGM's site.

Not all Fascism looks like Adolf Hitler

This introduction to The Project for the New American Century is worth a gander. It's short and very cleverly done. It is a video - you don't have to read. Go on. Though, I'm beginning to believe that if you don't already get it, you never will.

All said and done, walking by the WTC site still leaves me with a heavy heart. I take the Path to NJ from there occasionally. The rebuilt station is nothing less than downright depressing. I guess I'm still trying to get my head around what happened and the fact that the implications of the attacks are still unfolding, and will continue to develop for years to come.

I was thinking of sharing this before I saw the aforementioned video.

Baldrick

This is the little Staffie who made me laugh while I was in Sydney. He is sitting on our lovely little terrace, basking in the sun as the cooler weather was setting in while shamelessly brandishing his willy.

I have been pretty frustrated lately, not quite sure why. I don't know if I'm more irritated at the fact I don't know why I'm miffed or the miffage itself. Everything seems so mundane lately, including myself. I've decided to ignore it by working on my two paintings. Simultaneously.

So you can stop waiting with baited breath, I'm proud to announce that I've finally updated my iPod. Now I can listen to great music on these fantastic new headphones that this fetching fellow recommended. I suppose I should include a link to the heaphones, but who can be arsed?

In other news, my Magritte seems to have vanished. I wonder if it has joined ranks with Munch's Scream.

Greed

I have read that Suha Arafat is going to receive a $22m yearly stipend from the PA for the rest of her life. What was Arafat thinking giving her this kind of money? This may be an unjustified generalization (when are they ever justfieid?), but my experience in Islamic cultures had revealed that women of the family are generally spoiled if it can be afforded. Men are religiously discouraged, or even prohibited from wearing silk and gold, while women are not. That is pretty much the only reason I can come up with to explain why Arafat gave her $1.8m per month. I may be totally off, I don't know.

More importantly, however, what kind of woman accepts that kind of money, knowing the desparate poverty of the Palestinians?

Question

What is the difference between the implications of prohibiting abortion and requiring women to wear burqas?

My primary argument against a law requiring that women wear hijaab and burqa is that this is a personal decision for a woman. If it is mandated by law, women are responding to the laws of man rather than the laws of God and thus the point of personal interpretation and responsibility is lost. I won't win any points because I covered my hair to avoid getting arrested. In effect, such a law undermines the very nature of the faith as a personal relationship. No one else would lose or benefit regardless of my choice, so I don't know why there is interference in the first place.

So, if a girl wants an abortion but doesn't get one because it is illegal, does this bode any better for her or society? Does her decision indicate successful moral indoctrination? Or is she forced upon this decision because of laws that are based upon a narrowly derived vision of how people should live?

If I wanted these types of decisions made for me, I'd live in Saudi.

Arafat

I've been wanting to flesh out my thoughts on Arafat. First, I want to say he's an old man, and in the last days of his life and in the hours after his death, the vultures that constitute our media revealed themselves for the animals they are. I thought about this for awhile - why am I so offended by the way they spoke of his impending death; and after his death, of his life? Is it because of my personal bias? Maybe. But then, I never really supported Arafat as an asset to the Palestinian cause. I asked myself, 'What if it was Sharon?' - would I be so offended at the crass handling of his life and death then? I'd be pissed if I had to listen to an editorialization of his legacy, but my personal view of him doesn't change the fact that many would be mourning his death. This may seem incredibly provincial, but Arafat was a sick old man. Let him die in peace. I don't know what it is, but I've been raised to believe that an old man on his death bed deserves some reverence, if not for respect of life, then for his family's sake. Even though Suha Arafat is less than graceful. But especially if it is someone who has spent his life fighting for something he believes in. At least respect that whether you agree with the cause or not, if you hate everything about him. I guess you wouldn't respect that if you hate him. But does my sentiment reflect my support of what he has done? Not necessarily, he has cost the Palestinians a great deal.

I also think his passing is the end of an era of leaders. Now, we have politicians. For better or worse, he was a leader. The kind of support he has after the his amassing of millions speaks volumes about him. Or perhaps, of his supporters. He walked away from a compromise that would have cemented his place in history as a prolific leader and the father of a Palestinian State because it would have undermined the (his?) struggle. That may be read as he benefitted from the plight of Palestinians, something I'm not prepared to argue is untrue. Or, maybe he wasn't prepared to stop short of what he felt he, and they deserved.

I really don't know what to think. People die everyday, people who have led lives that are much more remarkable than Arafat's. But today, Arafat's life and death is being used as a commodity by the media, and for political mileage by politicians who, despite all Arafat's shortcomings, will never live to even realize what it means to fight for something you believe in. In a few days, I'll probably go back to thinking of him as an obstacle to peace, but for now, the end of an era deserves a moment of reflection.

Yes, yes I do.

'No, nothing for me, thanks'
'Are you sure? The deli makes excellent sandwiches.'
'No, that's allright, I'm not having anything, thank you, though.'
'Aren't you going to eat anything?'
'No, I'm fasting.'
'Oh! Do you speak Muslim then?'

Autumn

Allright, here are some pics of the fall colors I keep rambling about. I apologize for the poor quality, I took them in a bit of a rush. That said, the colors are spectacular and unfortunately I was too lazy to take photos when they were at their peak. Or even thoughtful enough to take quality photos. What's included here represents the denouement, if you will, of the catastrophe of colors. These scenes are included in my running route, which I haven't graced in over two weeks.

Entrance to my house.

The rear of my house faces this street.. not a bad view, eh? To the left is an exclusive golf course where we used to sneak in and go sledding during the winter and played manhunt during the summers. Now, I don't think we'd be able to get membership if we applied as it is very much a WASP-only establishment.

This lovely old church is one among many in my town.

Ahhh, brisk!

I just had the most fantastic four hours of sleep ever. The kind where you're just dead to the world, wake up peacefully and are looking forward to starting a new day. Except it was 6pm when I woke up. Definitely feel more refreshed than I have in a long time, even went to the gym. Things aren't so bad anymore. I know you have zero interest in this, and now I do as well. Peace out.

Fuming

Fuming, originally uploaded by bitter apple.

Okay, here it comes. Some brash statements to follow.

I can't take it - just what went wrong on Tuesday? I am hearing all this analysis about the elections, that people cast their vote as a reflection of their 'moral values' rather than real policy issues. Bush and his party support banning abortion and limiting marriage to a union between heterosexuals as part of some divine mandate to establish a 'moral fabric' to build a culture that loves and respects life. This is what people voted for, they aligned with his adminstration's values. So, while banning abortion and gay marriage reflects values that respect life, just what does supporting the NRA mean? I live in fear of you ignorant, loud-mouthed, malt liquored, trigger happy morons. In comparison to what you have done to our freedom, Osama doesn't even come close.

What happened to Americans and their love for freedom?

Pesonally, I am not fond of abortion. I can't really imagine anyone who is 'fond' of the prospect an abortion. I won't be so presumptuous to imagine what a harrowing experience it is, but can safely assume that anyone who has gone through it would not look back and think fondly of it. Personally, I think it isn't right to punish an unborn child for irresponsible behavior. But that's not the point. You see, it doesn't matter what I think. That is the point of freedom, I can't impose my value system upon you. And you can't impose yours upon me. Ultimately, it doesn't affect me or my life if you have an abortion. Nor if a gay couple wants to get married. There are other things that occupy my mind and time. If you are carrying a gun, however, that can have a very serious impact on others' lives. (I know, Kerry doesn't support a gun ban - but the NRA endorsed Bush, enough said.) A reckless and illegal war has very serious, tangible consequences. A stupid and reactionary color-coded 'terror alert system' also has an effect on my life, and having a Muslim name can be a liability in Bush's America.

I've probably been unreasonably harsh here... but why is something that is so obvious overlooked by almost 60m Americans?

Seeing Red

IGM, this is relevant to your earlier comment. I came across this link on Anselpixel's ever resourceful site.

Little Miss Grumpy

I haven't had anything to post about the past few days. Well I guess I did, but who can be arsed? I think I had really stupid expectations of work. And the election, but I'm still trying to come to terms with the prospect of Bush and company for another 4 years so more on that later.. or never. Anyway, work. I guess I expected people in the real world to have it more together. Students.. don't have much to live up to. You can sit around, literally do nothing for weeks on end. Write a few papers, speak a bit of bull, and all is well. Maybe develop a few non-marketable skills and irrelevant knowledge along the way. There isn't much to it.

Work, on the other hand, entails a whole different skill set. Unfortunatley this set doesn't include a personality. I have been hugely disappointed, and it's my own fault and my own arrogance. I thought that people would be witty and intelligent. And that people would think before they speak. I thought I'd be the dumb one in the group but that's not proving to be the case. I'm really disappointed. This is really bad stuff to say out loud so I'm saying it here. I know, I'm not exactly Little Miss Have It Together, but I generally stumble in the right direction. I was looking forward to a professional environment where people strive and are challenged and challenging. Everywhere I look, I see complacency. Granted this is the very initial training and everyone who is joining the huge organisation starts off here so a lot of different fields are lumped together, I won't necessarily be with these people later on. So I should stop whining. Did I really expect such a generative environment?

In truth, I'm really excited about starting to work. I know, it's not cool to be excited to work. I know, I'm just naive. Yes, thanks. The thing is, I sometimes stumble across really remarkable people who are remarkable for different reasons, but they are interested and engaged in whatever they're doing. Where do these people breed? I'm sick of being bored out of my mind. The ape is in freaking England and we're going to be apart for at least a year, aside from visits. I've read some really interesting blogs on here, but limited in opportunity to pick brains. What happened to the art of conversation? Did it ever really exist? I hate hearing the obvious over and over again. Just like I hate those stupid logo bags. If you are going to charge a $800 vinyl or cloth bag that has the letter G plastered about, you might as well get a T-shirt that says 'I'm original' so the rest of us aren't left with any doubt. Better yet, tattoo it on your forehead so as not to cause any confusion on laundry day. Grow an imagination. I'm most definitely in the wrong field, this is hardly the breeding ground of creativity. So where do I find the balance?

Right, my writing ability has gone to the shitter. Sorry my brain is scrambled. I haven't been getting any sleep and that is probably my highest priority after chocolate, of course. I'll be better soon, but until then I leave you with this mess.

And a word on the election

I honestly hope that I'm wrong about Bush, and that his and his administration's motives aren't as sinister as I suspect. So disappointed, I thought we were better than this.

(un)veiled threat

"If you vote for Nader, I'll rip your ears off."
- the ape

Blah

I started work today. I'm too tired to post the pictures I uploaded. They're pretty kaak anyway, the camera is crap.. it's probably the operator.

Today was one giant bore. They spent the morning explaining the structure which seemed redundant because if we were going to be working there, we should already know the information. I hope. The afternoon was spent going through paperwork and I came away with the knowledge that I am probably going to be bored with this very soon. The people there didn't have a scooby. If that is what I'm up against, I'll be sailing through. Not to sound like the arrogant jerk that I am. But really, shut up and listen to the HR lady explain the benefits the first three times she describes the scheme before you ask a question. The fun part is that my training is way downtown for the next two months and that means it's close to loads of overpriced shops. Excellent.

I am so sleepy. I spent about two hours searching for my stupid passport last night, whiich ended up being exactly where I knew it was only missed it the first seven times I looked. Sleeping at 1 and getting up to fast a 430 really kills your REM sleep. This post is possibly my worst one ever. Goodnight, chiildren.

WMD

So I went to revive my golf game today, which I discovered is stable but doctors recommend that it stay in the ICU for another night for close observation. The drive was probably more remarkable than the game itself, the trees are changing colors and everything was on fire. That and there were loads of smashed up deer parts on the side of the road. Gross.

On my way back home, I was almost swiped by this prick who was flying in his Escalade. I'm not normally one to to get worked up over moronic drivers, even when they are aggressive. It's just not a healthy state of mind living in the land where guidos breed. I try not to dwell on morons in general, but sometimes I just have to laugh.. or cry. This particular tosspot had a big W '04 sticker on the rear windshield that made me hate him and Bush about ten times more. If it is indeed possible to multiply infinity by ten. The thing is, when you're speeding and weaving in and out of lanes there's a graceful way to go about it, even in an SUV. We've all seen the dark horse that just dances through traffic. The speed limit on this particular road is 65 but everyone travels at 80mph pretty comfortably. W was easily exceeding 100 and he was changing lanes so abruptly that he had to fight his truck to keep from swaying. His driving resembled that of a cockroach succumbing to the effects of RAID rather than the strides of a stallion. Too much? Probably.

Now, I'm no granny on the road, but I'm not an idiot either - this guy was just dangerous. He went careening past, leaving me with a glimpse of an early-40s balding Bush supporter who needed to overcompensate for his own insecurities by risking the lives of everyone around him. Few miles down the road, a police car was just pulling over a black family in a beat up old Cadillac. He had to have seen the bald Escalade fly by. It's good to know that our police prioritize giving some old black guy a ticket for a broken tail light rather than checking the extremist recklessly wielding a 3.5 ton weapon. That whole scenario was twisted on so many levels.

[Sidenote: I don't hate SUV's, he could have been driving anything and would still have been a prick. If you buy an SUV, your decision is rewarded by expensive gas costs and other taxes that make your choice an expensive one (unless you take advantage of Bush's tax loophole ). Just don't be an asshole about it.]

Eclipse

During totality, when the moon is completely immersed in shadow, it might turn red, the result of Earth's atmosphere bending hints of all the world's sunrises and sunsets simultaneously onto the moon while the sun's primary light is blocked.

But on your tiny planet, my little prince, all you need to do is move your chair a few steps. You can see the day end and the twilight falling whenever you like...
"One day," you said to me, "I saw the sunset forty-four times!"
And a little later you added:
"You know - one loves the sunset, when one is so sad..."

The Little Prince
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Dervishes

Why does the melody of the reed flute move us? Because holes have been cut in its heart, permitting it to cry. Only when a human heart has been emptied of false apprehensions and made hollow like the reed, can one play one's own melody.

These photos were meant to accompany this post. This ceremony is normally a very intimate, a spiritual observance sometimes performed in the presence of few invited guests. This particular observance was performed in a fairly large auditorium, and thus lost the intimacy it would otherwise convey. That said, sorry for the poor quality photos, they were taken in a bit of a rush with a camera I wouldn't recommend.

All day and night, music,
a quiet, bright
reedsong. If it
fades, we fade.
Mawlana Jalaluddin Rumi (1207-1273)

Bloomin

Bloomin, originally uploaded by bitter apple.

More pictures.

This cactus belonged to the crazy lady who lived across the lane from me in my lovely Sydney suburb. According to crazy lady, this bloom occurs just once.. so I figured I might as well snap it while it was there.

Then again, she has sent money in response to some mail scam about investing in an account in Nigeria. She has done this more than once and has not seen any returns, yet continues to send money. She also once came out and informed the ape, who was waiting in the car, that I was probably a teacher involved in a strike that was going on at the time. There was absolutely nothing that made sense about that conclusion. She is a nutter. So maybe this thing blooms once a month.

Oh dear

"It's full of Democrats and Republicans, the others only have Democrats. We don't take any position at all," Mr Murdoch said in response to a question about Fox's impartiality.

"We're not in the least bit biased, we're a fair and balanced company."

Murdoch: Fox News does not favour Bush.

I think he's missing the point: it's not whether you have Republicans or Democrats on your staff. Not only does that make it sound like those are the only two possibilities for political alignment, but it's about the language and nuances you use to present information. I can't believe that the importance of language isn't touched upon more often - using the word 'liberator' has different connotations than 'troop'. This rabid nationalism, or jingoism as a friend put it, that is displayed by our media is insulting.

The scariest part here, as Albright pointed out, is that they (the administration and their talking heads) actually believe what they say. This isn't a charade - it's worse.

The punch line is that Fox News makes CNN look like an objective source of information.

More plaster, please

The Bush administration intends to seek about $70 billion in emergency funding for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan early next year, pushing total war costs close to $225 billion since the invasion of Iraq early last year, Pentagon and congressional officials said yesterday.
....
On top of paying the wages of the all-volunteer force (What kind of wages does an all-volunteer force receive?) and the contractors, the military has paid for building dozens of bases and keeping a high-tech force equipped with computers, communications gear and expensive modern weaponry.
....
Yale University economist William D. Nordhaus estimated that in inflation-adjusted terms, World War I cost just under $200 billion for the United States. The Vietnam War cost about $500 billion from 1964 to 1972, Nordhaus said. The cost of the Iraq war could reach nearly half that number by next fall, 2 1/2 years after it began.

They have to be taking the piss. This will most likely be kept subdued until after the elections, I wonder why it isn't plastered about by Kerry's campaign. Isn't this in itself an admittance of the quagmire they're in? Living in oblivion must be fun. But as Secretary Albright said last night on Jon Stewart, I prefer this universe to the parallel one the administration is trying to create. Did Stewart really recommend that she try a bong and a Grateful Dead album?

Found this Washington Post article on Anselpixel's site.

Procrastination

For those of you that have time on your hands.. or have things to do, this will help.

Found it on zoe's site.

Should

I've noticed recently that a lot of our lives are governed by should's. We all have ideas of what our partner 'should' be like, what our status 'should' be, what we 'should' do. Interesting to think about the ideals that we live by that define our 'should's. I mean really, what happened to Yoda's 'do or do not, there is no try'. Just get on with it.

This post isn't really going anywhere, and I've been taking the easy way out with posting pictures lately and I want to get back into thinking. I'm actually rationing my mental energy this week. Yes, that's it. I'm stupid now so I can be smart later. Do you see how that works? I'm only stupid on here, you see.. when I'm out and about, that's when the lights go on. Right this is nonsense. I'm going running. Late.

Rolling Bridge

Rolling Bridge, originally uploaded by bitter apple.

This is just too cool.

'How it works is the extraordinary aspect of it', designer Thomas Heatherwick

Article

in NY Times Magazine

Surfer chick

surfer chick, originally uploaded by bitter apple.

This is me learning to surf at 6am on Manly Beach in North Sydney. Notice the instructor is carrying my board.

Never quite worked up the courage to pull a stunt like this.

Surfer, originally uploaded by bitter apple.

Jon Stewart

I know I'm behind the times on this, partly because I can't bring myself to stomach TV that doesn't feature Friends reruns, but you can watch Jon Stewart on CNN's Crossfire here. Finally, someone calling the 'news' the theater that it is. Blah.

Byron Lighthouse

Lighthouse, originally uploaded by apple.

The lighthouse at Byron Bay is marked as the easternmost point of Australia, nevermind the fact that you can see a small island a few miles out to sea from the location of the staked claim.

Endless Coast

Endless Coast, originally uploaded by apple.

Okay I take that back about the previous photo being my favorite. This was taken on the last day of a roadtrip returning to Sydney from Noosa. Byron Bay, the ultimate hippie town, was a bit of a rainy disappointment following the glorious Sunshine coast. This scene was more humbling than can possibly be expressed here, so I will just let you imagine the salty air whipping through your hair while being mesmerized by the rhythm of the waves. Australia may be a quirky place, but the geography is absolutely amazing.

Still Celebrating 2000

Inexplicably, we have about 3 boxes of these plastic cups that say 'Celebrate 2000!'. Regardless of how often we try to use them for barbeques, and send them with my brother and sister to their respective school functions where they dutifully sign up to bring the cups, our supply of these cups is neverending. Despite the fact that my brother and sister share a unique last name in a small school, some teachers have only realized that they are siblings by recognizing these cups. I even had a supply at university in which my flatmates happily mixed their rum and cokes. I think we still have an unopened box of these cups lurking in the garage somewhere. So, if you happen to be in the market for cups to celebrate the milennium, you know who to call.

Circular Quay, Sydney

Circular Quay, Sydney, originally uploaded by apple.

These fellows were kicking up quite a storm at Circular Quay in Sydney. One of my favorite photos.

Ralph Nader

I don't know about Ralph Nader. Everything I learn about him represents qualities that I want in a leader. He is overwhelmingly stubborn about his candidacy despite so many calls for him to endorse Kerry. I don't think it is about ego. The guy doesn't strike me as egotistical. I think he sees his candidacy as more than a bid for the presidency; he sees it as a fight for democracy. I don't know. Kerry is really not much better than Bush. The 20-something Kerry who spoke out against the Vietnam War showed some promise, but now, he's just as bad as the rest of them. I think maybe having Bush in office for another 4 years won't be all that different from Kerry. Maybe there is a greater battle to be won, maybe supporting Nader will bring us closer to the demise of this two party system. I received this sample ballot in the mail and when I was looking at it, I got a little excited. I'll enjoy not voting for Bush and his council of power-mongering racist shits. But is Kerry all that deserving? He seems a little more, well sane, but he's going to push an agenda similar to Bush's, albeit in a more polite way. Maybe it has to get worse before it gets better. Nader gives credence to the role of a public servant. Did you forget that that's the most fundamental role of the President? I did. He is elected to serve his country. The mainstream candidates are serving themselves. I know these thoughts are disorganized, but I just don't know. Do I vote for Kerry because I hate Bush? Do I vote for Nader for the sake of the system, for another nudge towards a real democratic system where we choose our leaders from more than two viable options? Does it matter?

World On Fire

Watch this.

Sharks

Sharks

This photo by Doug Perrine has earned him the title of Wildlife Photographer of the Year. Amazing, eh?

You can see some of the other photos in the competition here.

Penguins

I feel (and look) like this penguin. Go ahead. Poke me.

On a side note, I have been party to the theft of a blow-up penguin from outside this Discovery type store in the Centrepoint mall in Sydney. The one who stole is a professional rugby player who ran through the shopping center with a giant blow up penguin tucked under his arm. Curiously, no one tried to stop him. A Wallaby stole a penguin. Heh.

enter at own risk

I want to tear my hair out. I'm getting pissed when I'm loading web pages and the little blue highlight line stalls for even a moment while bringing images and information to my screen at the speed of light. I am so bloody impatient. I don't want to explain anything more than I already have. I don't want to hear shitty music. I don't want to hear loud, stupid girls laughing in annoying voices at their loud, stupid selves. Don't be melodramatic. I don't want to suffer through conversations I have absolutely no interest in. I don't want to hear anyone chew food or gulp down liquid. When you park on a busy street, stop being an idiot for just a second and look to see if you are about to open your car door into traffic. Baseball doesn't matter. Don't greet me with 'how are you?' when you are going to talk about yourself anyway. Hold your child's hand as she navigates her way down steep, cement steps. Moron. Don't drive a 5L SUV with a yellow 'Support our Troops' sticker. If you want to support our troops, drive a hybrid. You don't need to state the obvious.

PMT you say? Yes. Congratufuckinglations.

Anybody but Bush

I don't think it is necessary to dissect this as I have done previous issues. Naomi Klein (No Logo) doesn't need me to elucidate what she has already made so simple.

...there is something about George Bush's combination of ignorance, piety and swagger that triggers a condition in progressives I've come to think of as Bush Blindness. When it strikes, it causes us to lose sight of everything we know about politics, economics and history and to focus exclusively on the admittedly odd personalities of the people in the White House.

This madness has to stop, and the fastest way of doing that is to elect John Kerry, not because he will be different but because in most key areas - Iraq, the "war on drugs", Israel/Palestine, free trade, corporate taxes - he will be just as bad. The main difference will be that as Kerry pursues these brutal policies, he will come off as intelligent, sane and blissfully dull. That's why I've joined the Anybody But Bush camp: only with a bore such as Kerry at the helm will we finally be able to put an end to the presidential pathologising and focus on the issues again.
...

Under a Kerry government, the comforting illusion of a world united against imperial aggression will drop away, exposing the jockeying for power that is the true face of modern empire. We'll also have to let go of the archaic idea that toppling a single man, or a Romanesque "empire", will solve all, or indeed any, of our problems. Yes, it will make for more complicated politics, but it has the added benefit of being true. With Bush out of the picture, we lose the galvanising enemy, but we get to take on the actual policies that are transforming all of our countries.


This is really worth a read, don't just go with what I considered to be most poignant. The column can be found in its entirety here at The Guardian. Enjoy.

parents

To what extent do our parents shape our lives? The emphasis placed the parental environment during early childhood, through adolescence would indicate that our parents have a profound influence on our decision making processes, emotional intelligence and general ways of coping with what comes our way. On the other hand, there comes a point when we have gathered enough experience to be able to carve out our own paths and take responsibility for them. So which is it?

I am un jour de retard

I'm not sure what to make of the fact that on more than one occasion I have come here looking to see if I've updated. Needless to say, I'm pretty bored. A good friend recommended a few books I should get into, and that is something I'm looking forward to.

The excitement that comes with the knowledge that I am going to start working soon has subsided, giving way to dreaded dark cold mornings. I think the independence that comes with working is something pretty motivating. A new experience nonetheless.

More than anything, I need to get back into my fitness routine. You might think that fasting complements one's goal of eating less, but in reality the celebrations that surround it involve a lot of rich foods. Not that I'm complaining. That and I need to be able to stand up in order to go to thie gym, and my post-fast feasting is making that pretty difficult. The problem is, the fatter and more unfit I feel, the less motivated I am to go. Conversely, if I feel like I'm getting fitter, I am cemented in my routine - no matter what else, I make it to the gym. When I was in it, I would look forward to go to the gym at 5am, no matter how painful the cold was. I feel so lazy right now and it's compounding on itself. I'm pretty sure that wasn't the correct use of compounding, but think in terms of interest. It becomes overwhelming. Ugh.

I've also spent time playing with the cutest baby around. He sometimes forgets if he's laughing or crying and does both simultaneously, to my neverending amusement.

Oh- and I've had some words with the ape. Things are much better, thanks for asking.

Peace.

such potential

It is widely known that Muslims made great contributions to scientific fields, particularly betweeen the 8th and 13th centuries. In medicine, Muslims are known to have developed the use of anesthetics and thus made headway in many kinds of surgeries. They also successfully investigated the inner workings of the human eye and the first successful cataract surgery is attributed to an Egyptian surgeon. In Mathematics, the world Algebra is of Arab origin, while the number Zero and the decimal system were developed by Muslim mathematicians. In astronomy, the names of many stars are Arabic in origin and the earliest astrolabs were discovered in the Middle East. The earth's circumference, accurate within 70 miles, was calculated in the 8th century by a Muslim scholar. There is no dearth of intellectual legacy in non-scientific fields, either. To me, however, the scientific discoveries are astounding given their prominence in modern science and technology.

Why then do we never manage to ascertain the start of Ramadaan until the midnight before it starts? Why does half of the Muslim world celebrate it on one day while the other half the following day? Why is there any ambiguity at all?

Actually, the way things are going it seems this is the least of our problems.

preparing for the famine

Us Muslims, or terrorists as many of you know us, start fasting tomorrow. I'm going to start eating now nonstop until sunrise tomorrow. That should make the first days somewhat bearable. Well, it's not so bad - I don't get all that hungry but the knowledge that I can't eat kills me. I'm going to eat so much crap now that I feel too guilty to think about food and that should sufficiently override the psychological torture of knowing I'm not allowed to eat. Sounds like a plan.

the sun god

Tell me if you've seen this live you don't get chills promising great things to come.

on second thought

Upon closer consideration, I've realized that the next two weeks are indeed the end of the world as I know it. I've worked before but never for real. I've had some pretty awesome internships - the kind where I get to stand behind important people and see the side of my apple head on the front page of the NYTimes the next day. But they don't count as work because I'm there to have fun and the expectations of a lowly intern are.. well low. Short of committing a crime, you can only exceed their low expectations with your free labor. I was fortunate to work with some really interesting and genuine characters so it never felt threatening. I know that I have been lucky.

Intrigued but with that feeling of dread do I approach this new world called work. I have to get up at an obscene hour and take public transport to the frenzy that is Penn Station and then submerge myself in the panic of the subway to get to Grand Central. There I emerge in a sea of scurrying blurs dwarfed by gorgeous marble, only to purposefully walk in the brisk air to my place of employment.

That I've done before.

What I'm not even closely prepared for is working. I am fairly decent, and maybe even adept at conversation in a social setting. I can even make a phone call when the need arises. I can also give an interview which requires I behave and speak professionally for an abbreviated period of time. I do know that everyone I know doesn't take me seriously. The people who like me have sifted through my unending drivel to discover that all is not lost, and indeed there are some gears turning. The ones who don't like me, well they've given up hope. My friends often chide me for my academic and intellectual bent.. and the chaos that characterizes the rest of my life. How can the same person achieve on paper while being such a buffoon in real life? The ape asks me this all the time. I don't have an answer.

So you see why I am concerned about my upcoming role. I know that I'm in over my head right now with this job, which is confirmed by the fact that, when someone asks me what my new position entails, I can only say I have no idea. Granted, I have some idea, but really, when I try and imagine my day and the people I'll be interacting with I realise I have no clue what to expect. This proves that what people write on their resumes, and employers post about various positions is essentially nonsense.

Like I said earlier, I am intrigued by the new challenge of the unknown, but I think my biggest fear is that I will be disappointed. I don't want to be one of the millions of bloggers who type about how much they hate the people they work with and their jobs and their lives and the girl who sells them coffee. In reality, I think the job, will keep me challenged for long enough.. it's an entry point anyway. My life.. well I'm blessed girl and too cognizant of the opportunities available to me to be miserable about anything serious. I still hate my thighs, though. Okay so I think I'm safe from being the girl who who self-prescribes anti-depressants because she can identify with an eggman who goes around with a cloud following him. Yea, I get pretty depressed, but I can deal with it.

Anyway, my question is, how am I going to start working??? I guess this is really growing up. It seems especially awkward because here I am, in my hometown where I've spent about 15 of my 23 years, and I've never imagined myself anything but a stupid kid. But now, when I go watch my sister play field hockey, I realise - the girls on her team are stupid kids. I am no longer. Ah, it's an identity shift I believe. I'm happy for it, for the most part. I've always felt that guilt that comes from having parents as gracious as mine, and am looking forward to being less of a financial burden on them. I think that's my biggest release.

Well that's my mental vomit for now, I have a pretty gigantic deadline that smells of about 8000 words in the a.m., so I need to get cracking. Goodnight mailbox.

good news everyone!

(That was a cameo by Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth in case you didn't notice).

Very excited to report that I'll be receiving my official offer tomorrow and will be starting training on November 1st!!!

... on the second debate

I didn't get a chance to watch the debate on Friday night, and have only watched parts of it during CNN 'encores'. I did notice that Bush was more coherent this time around, marked by glee among his supporters who continue to champion his performance. Indeed, he put in a strong showing. Kerry articulated strong points well but then that is not a surprise, while Bush's delivery was. Nevermind that the President sounded like a whining 3-year old child when trying to defend his position.

'Mr Bush sounded like a passionate preacher, while Mr Kerry made his case like a lawyer.'
When it comes to the Office of the President of the United States, I think it is safer to go with the lawyer who builds a case based on logic and evidence than the passionate preacher who tries to gain support by appealing to emotion and capitalizing on fear. But that's just what I think.

If Bush did as well as his supporters claim, then why do the polls indicate that Bush and Kerry are tied with 48% support each, or that Kerry is in the lead? Before the debates began, Bush was clearly ahead in the polls. If his last performance was that good wouldn't it have put Bush back in the lead? Or perhaps Americans are finally stepping up to the plate.

Also, was Bush wearing a wire during the first debate?

Autumn

Off to run my six mile route on this beautiful day. Is anyone else surprised by how quickly the leaves have changed?

Cheers.

Circles

The more I try to think about what to post here, I realize that I need to develop some kind of direction for this blog. I don't want it to be as random as it has been yet I don't want to make it into a project. I'm not sure what it is I'm looking for. Maybe some sense of structure? Right now I'm pretty much left to my own devices during the days and just hang out with my parents in the evenings if I don't go out. After the fiasco this weekend, I don't know how 'up' I will be for frolicking in the city.

I feel drained, but that's probably due more to being ill than anything long-term. I'm just feeling really lazy and uproductive. I've worked on my dissertation but I'm so detached from it now, I have become increasingly resentful towards it and my advisor for not taking a role in its development. I know that I may be passing the blame for not doing the work, but I never even received acknowledgement, much less feedback on the earlier work and drafts that I sent to my advisor. Only one random email that yes he received it, when can he expect the next section - no feedback on the content. Yea, I didn't get back to him on that either. It's my essay, not his I don't really have a leg to stand on here. It's much closer to being completed though and while I'm pretty happy with it, it's nothing groundbreaking. I know I shouldn't be settling for this but fuck it.

The ape. I don't write about him much because I am having a lot of issues with him. I don't even know where to begin and if I even want to start. I haven't made much of an effort to speak to him which he has been making easy because his schedule is pretty chock full. I am scared to admit to myself that I may not be happy with where we are. I don't know if this is my mood, issues with living at home or something substantial. I am tired of thinking about it. Living inside my own head without much of an opporunity to speak to trusted friends isn't very healthy for me. Actually, I know I'll be okay.. well, more than okay once I get through this transition.

I've lost interest in this post for now, and want to do some work so I'm going to cut out here. I still don't know how to approach this blog or what purpose I want it to serve. Cheerio, friends.

Lessons of the weekend

If your car is a full-time all wheel drive and you happen to require a tow, be sure to remember to request a flatbed truck. This is necessary even if it is a sedan and you have to spend an hour convincing the dispatcher that it is indeed all wheel drive and, no, you cannot change the setting. Also, the guy who works in the BP on the corner of 96th street and 1st avenue in Manhattan is very helpful. He let me park there for the 4 hours it took for the correct towtruck to arrive. Not that he had much of a choice.

In my time waiting for the tow, I observed a dog get hit by car and get up and run right back into traffic. I then saw his screaming owner run into traffic as well. I ask you to imagine what might be going through someone's head to let a dog, no matter how seemingly obedient, off its lead anywhere outside a safe, enclosed area in Manhattan - much less on 1st avenue. This prospect is beyond me. I hope that little mutt is okay.

You cannot pay your $2.00 fare for a NYC bus with dollar bills as you might presume. You must have a charged Metrocard or a roll of quarters in your pocket. My Metrocard was empty, and surprisingly I didn't have the prerequisite roll of quarters. I would like to take this opportunity to thank all those people on the 102 bus last night who rummaged through their pockets for change for me and my friend. That bus took us to the best dinner we've ever had.

Motion

The hours turn into days, days turn into nights, into weeks, weeks into months, months into years. So every moment I have is an opportunity to direct the course of the day, week, month and year. Ultimately, my lifetime. Each decision will play out over time and affect my life in numerous, often unseen ways. While external circumstances have their role, I can easily capitalise upon them or circumvent them to my own accord. So, where will I go from here?

My Favorite River

So, I haven't heard anything since I filled out a number of forms for my soon-to-be employer. The forms were fairly standard, investigating whether I have committed any number of crimes or have any inclination to do so. I was told these would take 3-5 days to process but it has been 6 full business days. Now, I don't have anything on my record, as far as I'm aware so there's no reason to fret. I've been granted US Govt Security Clearance, so I can't imagine what could be stalling this. Well, I can imagine a few HR ladies standing around gossiping, but they can't do that for 6 days... can they? I still have to take care of a few other things before I get my official offer. I was told to expect to start on the 18th of this month, but the way things are moving, I wonder if they meant next year. Not that I'm itching for a 5am rise and the panic of the Manhattan commute, but I have a more pressing problem. I have run up a fairly decent credit card bill, which won't be a problem once I get paid, but until then I think I have a lashing coming from Ferdinand. It's now a race between my first check and when the bill arrives. I'm pretty sure of who is going to win but a girl can live in denial, can't she?

Checking the facts

If you haven't already, I suggest you check out factcheck.com. I wonder if this is what Cheney intended for you to see.

Yes

"People have often asked us in the last 14 months if we were 'pro-Palestinian' or 'pro-Israeli', 'right-wing' or 'left-wing', 'religious' or 'secular'... We have always answered these questions with a single word: 'Yes'. We are pro-Palestinian and pro-Israeli, both right and left, both religious and secular. In fact, there is no other way of supporting peace. To support only one of the sides means to work for conflict and hostility, not for mutual acceptance and reconciliation..."

Hopeways Alternative National Design Forum

Domestic Problems

And another thing:

In listening to 'analysis' of the VP debate on The Charlie Rose Show, I was struck by an issue that was raised regarding Kerry's position on involving the 'International Community' in the security and reconstruction of Iraq. Rose highlighted a specific problem in Kerry's position that while he would want to include countries like France and Germany in Iraq, their willingness was not even close to guaranteed. Mortimer Zuckerman, Chairman & editor-in-chief of US News and World Report and Chairman & Publisher of NY Daily News stated that while France, Germany and India may have an interest in participating in the reconstruction of Iraq, they face 'domestic problems' in being able to commit to an alliance with the US in this regard. The "domestic problems" as Zuckerman categorized them, are due to the significant Muslim populations in these countries that objected to the invasion and presumably would object to their countries' participation in what is widely seen as 'occupation'. According to Zuckerman, India's involvement in Iraq would see an exacerbation of domestic tensions due to its Muslim population of 250 million.

It is first necessary to refute the connotations of assuming that Muslims would object to see their respective countries contribute to the reconstruction of Iraq. Firstly, Muslims create too much turmoil amongst themselves to be considered as a monolithic group. I'm not sure how to emphasize this, but let's just say if you ask 10 different Muslims for a 5-minute introduction to Islam, you will get 15 completely different answers. My own beliefs and interpretations differ, often significantly, from my mother's. Thinking that you will get a cohesive view on politics is just ridiculous. Join my family for dinner, won't you? Secondly, on a purely idealistic note, why wouldn't anyone want to contribute to the reconstruction of a war-torn and traumatized country? Now obviously there are many different views on how this should be done and what form it should take, but I don't think anyone would deny peace and development as noble goals. I could go on but this isn't the point.

My main concern is with Zuckerman's assessement of the democratic process, and democratic decisions within France, Germany and India as 'domestic problems'. I've noticed this mentioned a number of times - when a country does not sign on with the US because of domestic protest, it is referred to as a 'domestic problem'. So, if people democratically object to their leaders taking a specific action that is contrary to American interests, they are considered to create a domestic problem???? And how has the United States historically dealt with 'domestic problems'? Are there any Nicaraguans reading this?

Just another pretty face

I know I said I would lay off the politics... sod that.

The VP debate was pretty nonsensical. They rarely, if ever stuck to the issues and wasted a lot of time throwing around figures and describing legislation that (I hope) everyone knows cannot be explained or understood in 90 seconds or less. I lost interest but was really put off by Edwards' response to the Israel/Palestine Issue. He didn't even make an attempt to appear balanced. It was all about Israel's defense and then a story about how a restaurant was bombed near to the hotel he had stayed in, but was not staying in at the time. I don't think Cheney said anything at all aside from the fact that Bush acknowledged a two-state plan. I'm not sure who was worse on this. Predictably, I have strong feelings on the issue and was looking forward to hearing something of substance but I see now that that was just dreaming.

I think Cheney did better in his demeanor and delivery than Edwards, and would even be impressed if he wasn't such a dirty old crook. Edwards, I think, would do well to stay quiet and just nod and smile. I missed the very beginning, but was there something in the rules about the norms of integrity and logic being suspended for each candidate's speaking time?
These two, in their constant manipulation of numbers and interpretations and in their invariable challenges on credibility, left me with the conclusion that I can't expect to hear anything solid from either.

The only thing about this debate that I found of value was the fact that it kept me distracted long enough to run 6 miles in just about 50 minutes.