Okay MP, you want to hear about the ape. I don't know what to write, but I'll just ramble on here for a bit. The Ape is a 25 year old specimen representing qualities of intelligence, humour, adolescence, athleticism, love, innocence and kindness. This is by no means an extensive list because he is a creature of great mental and emotional depth. Nor is it in order of importance, basically I listed these qualities just as they came to my mind. He continues to develop and adapt so the possibilities are endless, really.
I met him in London in January 2002 while visiting my cousin who was living there at the time. I didn't warm to him at first as he seemed pretty arrogant but then I remembered that I'm arrogant as well. It quickly became obvious that we were unusually well suited to each other, both in our interests and aspirations, and we just got along well. That in itself is a great feat for me because, this may come as a surprise, but I'm not an especially friendly person. Mostly I just get annoyed and nod and smile until I reach the exit. Endearing, I know. The 'connection' as it is cliche-ed was definitely there and served as a wake up call because I had been fairly pessimistic about people like him. I just didn't think they existed. I'm not really one to put people on pedestals, but it was a surprise and a comfort to meet him. This isn't to say I haven't had my doubts and frustrations, but I guess I managed to keep the big picture in mind. Our relationship has been a bit distorted due to distance as we were both still in undergrad then. When we were in Sydney together, it was a bit of a shock to both of us as we are both fairly independent people. I am not at all bothered to do things on my own, and neither is he. The first few months were extremely difficult for me especially: coping with having a 'boyfriend' took a lot of adjusting. I am no longer afraid to say I was relieved to come back home for a month and spend time away from him. When I went back, things were a lot different for both of us, we had spent time on our own regrouping and the rest of our time in Aus (about six months) went by in bliss, with the resident bumps of course. Being apart has definitely taken its toll, but we've reaped a lot as well, I think.
He's now doing an mPhil with full intention to study for another few years to complete a PhD. I'm working now, mostly because the thought of writing another essay triggers massive migraines for me despite the fact that I have a lot of questions I wouldn't mind exploring academically. We'll probably end up in England or South Africa, but the near-term depends on where he wants to do his PhD. He's considering American schools but it's up in the air for now, he may stay where he is. I started this specific job because of its mobility: I don't want to stay here long-term and definitely don't want to raise my kids here and I have an option to go virtually anywhere and be gainfully employed.
I guess it would suffice it to say that I've never really been one for dating. When I was in high school and college, the whole production seemed incredibly futile. Also, I never came across anyone I could stand to kiss. Ape and I will be married fairly soon and are and will continue to be very happy (God willing), but I don't have a dream that I'm counting on. We have some really difficult times and conversations as well as periods of absolute bliss. Nothing substantial has ever really threatened our future, but that's more a reflection of our attitude than circumstance, I think. I guess this writing doesn't really reveal it, but we are very much in love and excited about each other, but don't take 'us' for granted. I am often reluctant to share my thoughts about him because I never feel like I've done them or him justice. I guess part of me also doesn't want to tempt fate. But then, if it isn't one illusion, it's another isn't it?
I don't know where I'm going with this post, but it is mostly written per a request. Not sure what you're going to glean about me or ape or our relationship, what I've left unsaid and such. I'm sure there's plenty. I'm certain I'll revisit this but that will be after I pass my exam tomorrow. Send your good thoughts my way, people, I definitely need them.
