Uphill

I've noticed I'm increasingly dissatisfied with my writing. I know I've only just begun with this journal and it takes time for my writing to mature into relaying the concepts and emotions I want to relay, but I'm impatient. I often think things throughout my day that I consider especially remarkable and often arrive at conclusions that I know for a fact are not common or predictable. I always think that I should document my thoughts because I find them useful to jog my creativity. And frankly, I find them interesting. The problem is that when I sit down at my computer my mindset has been rattled and is so far removed from its original state that I am stuck trying to recall my earlier epiphany only to be left to seek with the remnants of a fading light. I'm not sure if this is normal or even natural, to have such short-term memory loss. I remember certain things to a perfect tee but othertimes, it's like I wasn't even there. I'm not that especially focused either, I often find myself tuning out of conversations that I should be taking very seriously. During my interview yesterday, I asked a question that provoked my interviewer into providing useful information but I swear I didn't hear a word he said. I knew I needed to absorb the information but it floated on by me while I was working out a brain-teaser I had read the night before. My mind is lazy and untrained. I really believe it just takes the right kind of training to achieve any mental, emotional or physical state. Obviously there are certain limitations but I am blessed not to be impaired in achieving my potential. But I am slipping deeper and deeper into this stagnation. (Is it possible to slip while in stagnation? Doesn't stagnation mean to stay still?) I used to go by an edict that required me to make improvements on the past day, in whatever capacity. Run a bit faster or farther than yesterday. Eat healthier than yesterday. Be more productive than yesterday. Basically, do something better or with more intensity than I did it yesterday. This is no longer enough and I need to define my challenge better. I'm not sure exactly where or how to look for such a challenge but I am certain that something needs to change. The job will help in adding a bit of monotony to my day. I would normally consider this bad but I think it will be a useful guage and, at the very least offer more opportunities to improve. I will definitely meet new people which will open unpredictable doors. Okay here is a useful goals: demonstrate more focus in what I do. Fitness will be easiest to do that because I'm just trying to get back to what I was doing before. I achieved results beyond my expectations but was jolted in other areas which served as an excuse to fall off the tracks. Building my re-entry at the moment.

Well, I have enough to think about. You'll be hearing from me soon.