But wait! There is more!
Hope you all have been well and happy and fulfilled these past weeks. Hopefully you are still around to even read this. There have been a whole lot of little things keeping me too busy to write. The break has been okay, I haven't really missed this at all. I guess when I am happy and making progress I don't have much time to moan. I mean happy in the progressive sense. I still am in a job I am embarrassingly overqualified for but I am making more money and have transferred to an office where the people are a lot more normal. Normal in the sense that they are not idiots. Still hate the job, though. I have been working a lot more and working out a lot and am getting into some mean shape. In addition, I did some travelling trying to cope with the earthquake last month.. or more like trying to help people cope with the earthquake. That has taken quite a toll and while I would love to share pictures of tenths of families, I was too ashamed to take them. The disaster and the ensuing chain-reaction of disasters are not for display, not for me to document and speak about as if I know what it means to lose everything. All I know is the feeling of helplessness and emptiness that resulted from the knowledge that I would get onto an airplane and return to a world that belongs to an entirely different reality. No images or arrangement of letters could possibly relay this sensation.
Outside of that, there is not much to report. Not that that is worth reporting, but here it is. Trying to organize the rest of my life.. or the next ten years anyway, has kept my mind occupied. Ape is well and his usual unemployed self but that is looking to change early next year. Hopefully there will be an apple-ape engagement and wedding next year but do not want to tempt fate. Just want to get out of this rut and move onto the next phase.
I also thought you should know that this winter I will be sporting a cream white cashmere hat with a red apple on the side.
Saturday, November 12
Monday, October 3
out
Okay so I have had a few blog ideas these past weeks but just didn't write. There you go. I have had a few friends in town from Sydney and they have been keeping me well busy and I am now sick from lack of sleep and the changing weather. Well they are all living in London now and came over for a birthday celebration (not mine). I don't know why I agreed to go clubbing as I think it is quite possibly the most useless exercise there is, but I did and ducked out at a respectable 4am, came home slept 3 hours and was awakened by my father to go play golf. I really don't understand why anyone would go to a club, aside from the obvious. I mean I can see if you are a dirty greasy guy, that's where you go to try to grab a bit of girl. If you are a skin-and-bones girl who looks better with her mouth closed, that's where you go to get grabbed and look apalled. The whole spectacle is kind of amusing. People standing on lines that wrap around city blocks for the off-chance they may be admitted to the dimly lit rooms with thumping walls to strut around and try hard to look like they're not trying hard. Come on. Yours truly, of course, strutted straight through via the elusive guest list and went and sat in a corner and just watched. Upon first glance, everyone is gorgeous, fit and rich. Closer observation reveals the fear of being uncovered. I am judgemental. Deal with it. I can't count how many times I was asked, 'What is wrong?' Leave me the fuck alone, I am so thoroughly entertained.
I am so socially retarded it is unbelievable. I met some lovely people that night and couldn't think of anything to say without sounding like a total idiot. My sense of humor clearly is not for everyone and I need to work on it. This one room at one of the lounges that was bathed in the light of our presence was full of East Asians.
One of our crew comes back to report: "It is chock full of Asians and a few black guys in the corner", to which I respond: "There are always a few black guys in the corner."
There was a pause and a polite chuckle. I was too busy revelling in my own wit, as I often am. I need to get out more, but when I do, I come home disgusted. There are not many interesting and intelligent people about. There are quite a few interestings ones, and quite a few intelligent ones; but the combination is rare. So why bother?
I had more to say but my tum is grumbling. Blogging will be more regular henceforth. Kind of.
Oh, Greg Brady was eating at the table next to us. See, I can be trendy.
I am so socially retarded it is unbelievable. I met some lovely people that night and couldn't think of anything to say without sounding like a total idiot. My sense of humor clearly is not for everyone and I need to work on it. This one room at one of the lounges that was bathed in the light of our presence was full of East Asians.
One of our crew comes back to report: "It is chock full of Asians and a few black guys in the corner", to which I respond: "There are always a few black guys in the corner."
There was a pause and a polite chuckle. I was too busy revelling in my own wit, as I often am. I need to get out more, but when I do, I come home disgusted. There are not many interesting and intelligent people about. There are quite a few interestings ones, and quite a few intelligent ones; but the combination is rare. So why bother?
I had more to say but my tum is grumbling. Blogging will be more regular henceforth. Kind of.
Oh, Greg Brady was eating at the table next to us. See, I can be trendy.
Thursday, September 15
Goals
I just entered into a 5K race because I need a reality check. The race is in one month and I used to run 10 miles in under 90 minutes so this is not unattainable, even for a chub like me. The thing is, I have to be dignified when I do it because I'm sure to see people from my tormented childhood and I have to be better than them. Childish, small-minded, but as long as it motivates my arse to get into shape I don't care how immature I am being. I'll have a not-so-soft arse and that will be that. So, C, I'll get your bloody book and maybe do it while being able to hear my heart explode within my very ears. Happy?
In other news, I have still not found a job that I want .. or more likely, the job that wants the apple has not yet found me. I had a chat with an old friend I met during one of the coolest internships anyone can ask for, and he told me to .. shit I don't remember what he said. I think it was something about getting in everyone's face, which is kind of what I have been doing - harassing everyone I know but they all think I'm a joker. I mean, who pisses off to Australia for a year to do a useless degree? That's what they are asking me and I don't have the response timed quite right. Speaking of useless, nothing I am trained in is good for anything. I should have been one of those business students I used to snicker at. They're doing what I want to do and I'm sitting here with my face pressed up against the window. Except they're much stupider and smarter than I all at the same time. Practical has only recently entered my vocabulary and has a direct correlation to my increasing levels of grumpiness. The more often I incorporate it in my thoughts, the grumpier I am. Since when is it not okay to take a trip to 'find myself'? I didn't use the cookie cutter program and now they're punishing me. Stupid bastards, I resent the world they live in yet I want to join it. No room for me, I don't think. Not sure quite where to turn. All I know is that if I stay where I am past December, I may never quite recover from this nightmare.
In other news, I have still not found a job that I want .. or more likely, the job that wants the apple has not yet found me. I had a chat with an old friend I met during one of the coolest internships anyone can ask for, and he told me to .. shit I don't remember what he said. I think it was something about getting in everyone's face, which is kind of what I have been doing - harassing everyone I know but they all think I'm a joker. I mean, who pisses off to Australia for a year to do a useless degree? That's what they are asking me and I don't have the response timed quite right. Speaking of useless, nothing I am trained in is good for anything. I should have been one of those business students I used to snicker at. They're doing what I want to do and I'm sitting here with my face pressed up against the window. Except they're much stupider and smarter than I all at the same time. Practical has only recently entered my vocabulary and has a direct correlation to my increasing levels of grumpiness. The more often I incorporate it in my thoughts, the grumpier I am. Since when is it not okay to take a trip to 'find myself'? I didn't use the cookie cutter program and now they're punishing me. Stupid bastards, I resent the world they live in yet I want to join it. No room for me, I don't think. Not sure quite where to turn. All I know is that if I stay where I am past December, I may never quite recover from this nightmare.
Sunday, September 11
This great nation..
I know you lot have been waiting with baited breath for my commentary on Katrina. Here it is. Disorganised, but so am I.
The people who could leave and didn't absolutely deserve the hell they are in right now, they are risking others' lives because of their stupidity. Those who couldn't leave are another story. The inaction and bungled action taken by authorities on all levels is just ridiculous. If you don't think they had enough notice, listen to this clip. It was obvious.
Bush's first glimpse was from his airplane (not helicopter) and I cannot think of a better metaphor to illustrate his level of concern. Then he has the nerve to ask people to donate money. What the hell? This country is so proud of its wealth and power yet at this crisis, this shameless president is asking us to donate? Fuck that, I didn't tell them to squader billions in Iraq. I didn't tell them to give billions to Israel. Should have thought about home first, don't you think? Donate my ass.
The most interesting aspect, to me, is how capitalism is at play on all levels. Wal-Mart and Sam's club managed to deliver 2400 trailer loads of supplies - water, food, ice within days. The first 170 arriving the very next day. The very corporations that are the subject of widespread of criticism for their raison d'etre. On the other end of the spectrum, there were the painful scenes of tens of thousands being forced to live like animals, the rapid decline into gang warfare and anarchy. That, my friends, are the foundations of this great nation. How great it is to be an independent and free nation. Freedom from taxes, freedom from community responsibility. It is the norm to try to evade minimal taxes and then turn around and expect the government to provide everything. The only sense of responsibility is towards oneself, to take care of the here and now and let everyone else take care of himself.
End of the day, my friends, you can understand a society by observing how it treats its weakest members. For a week we watched as tens of thousands of poor, black Americans suffered, slept, lived in their own waste. One week. This is the wealthiest nation in the world with a GDP of $11.4 Trillion in 2004. Per Capita Income of over $40K. This is the system we want to distribute to the rest of the world? We have been advertising the life we live here, but who would want this? Is this risk worth it? When crisis hits, why would anyone want a government inept and incapbale of responding? Isn't managing crisis a fundamental responsibility of leadership? This is the same democracy that protects your freedom to wear halter tops and mini skirts with thongs hanging out and to carry guns. We are so free that the government just doesn't care.
The people who could leave and didn't absolutely deserve the hell they are in right now, they are risking others' lives because of their stupidity. Those who couldn't leave are another story. The inaction and bungled action taken by authorities on all levels is just ridiculous. If you don't think they had enough notice, listen to this clip. It was obvious.
Bush's first glimpse was from his airplane (not helicopter) and I cannot think of a better metaphor to illustrate his level of concern. Then he has the nerve to ask people to donate money. What the hell? This country is so proud of its wealth and power yet at this crisis, this shameless president is asking us to donate? Fuck that, I didn't tell them to squader billions in Iraq. I didn't tell them to give billions to Israel. Should have thought about home first, don't you think? Donate my ass.
The most interesting aspect, to me, is how capitalism is at play on all levels. Wal-Mart and Sam's club managed to deliver 2400 trailer loads of supplies - water, food, ice within days. The first 170 arriving the very next day. The very corporations that are the subject of widespread of criticism for their raison d'etre. On the other end of the spectrum, there were the painful scenes of tens of thousands being forced to live like animals, the rapid decline into gang warfare and anarchy. That, my friends, are the foundations of this great nation. How great it is to be an independent and free nation. Freedom from taxes, freedom from community responsibility. It is the norm to try to evade minimal taxes and then turn around and expect the government to provide everything. The only sense of responsibility is towards oneself, to take care of the here and now and let everyone else take care of himself.
End of the day, my friends, you can understand a society by observing how it treats its weakest members. For a week we watched as tens of thousands of poor, black Americans suffered, slept, lived in their own waste. One week. This is the wealthiest nation in the world with a GDP of $11.4 Trillion in 2004. Per Capita Income of over $40K. This is the system we want to distribute to the rest of the world? We have been advertising the life we live here, but who would want this? Is this risk worth it? When crisis hits, why would anyone want a government inept and incapbale of responding? Isn't managing crisis a fundamental responsibility of leadership? This is the same democracy that protects your freedom to wear halter tops and mini skirts with thongs hanging out and to carry guns. We are so free that the government just doesn't care.
Monday, August 29
So Blogger has made a few upgrades, eh? Retard-proofing. Though blogging never quite had an intelligence pre-requisite to begin with. It is accessible to you even if you are illiterate. I don't know why I think I'm above fads. I hate those freaking yellow wristbands. Great, you made a $5 donation. Congrats. Now you get to wear a bright yellow wristband like an asylum escapee. I know, I know - it is all for the children.
Belize was cool. I got to go diving and things in the Blue Hole which is so blue you just won't believe it. I'm telling you, the colour simply doesn't exist. Also went tubing through some caves, which scared the crap out of me because it was pitch black and I have this inconquerable phobia of dark water. I can't even sit in a car at the beach at night. Not that I do those sorts of things, but you know, the idea doesn't sit with me.. sitting in a car staring at the ocean at night. It is just freaky. Ocean during the day is enough to send chills up my spine. You just don't know what's there. Well the really scary part is that you have a fairly good idea of what's there and it's ugly and with big teeth. You can imagine my favourite part of the trip was kayaking out at night and snorkelling around. Fuck that, never again.
The bastards at Houston International insisted that I take my film out of the XRay proof bag and that my film would not get ruined by the machines despite the warnings posted on every inch of wall space. I insisted that he check my film and camera manually. He insisted more, and with a badge. My name is distinctly Arab. I put it on the belt and lost about eight of my sixteen rolls. But here are some of the survivors, no particular order... just pictures. I'll post them with stories if I can be arsed later on.
Mayan ruins in Tikal, Guatemala. This rainforest has had about 700 years to cover a spread of yet to be excavated temples and palaces.
spider monkey
Elderly Mayan couple minutes before said
Belize was cool. I got to go diving and things in the Blue Hole which is so blue you just won't believe it. I'm telling you, the colour simply doesn't exist. Also went tubing through some caves, which scared the crap out of me because it was pitch black and I have this inconquerable phobia of dark water. I can't even sit in a car at the beach at night. Not that I do those sorts of things, but you know, the idea doesn't sit with me.. sitting in a car staring at the ocean at night. It is just freaky. Ocean during the day is enough to send chills up my spine. You just don't know what's there. Well the really scary part is that you have a fairly good idea of what's there and it's ugly and with big teeth. You can imagine my favourite part of the trip was kayaking out at night and snorkelling around. Fuck that, never again.
The bastards at Houston International insisted that I take my film out of the XRay proof bag and that my film would not get ruined by the machines despite the warnings posted on every inch of wall space. I insisted that he check my film and camera manually. He insisted more, and with a badge. My name is distinctly Arab. I put it on the belt and lost about eight of my sixteen rolls. But here are some of the survivors, no particular order... just pictures. I'll post them with stories if I can be arsed later on.
Mayan ruins in Tikal, Guatemala. This rainforest has had about 700 years to cover a spread of yet to be excavated temples and palaces.
spider monkey
Elderly Mayan couple minutes before saidmonkey unleashes some monkey rain.
Okay fast forward a 2 hour bus ride and a 45 min water taxi to an island 650m across.
Sunrise on Caye Caulker, Belize. ... And sunset (kind of).
Nothing like a fast-approaching tropical storm to set the mood for a day of diving. First time in my life I could make out streams of rain in the distance. Do you see it? It's called 'white rain'. We were able to enjoy some lovely sun during our time on the water, but were caught on the way back in. Visibility is reduced to about 6 metres.. the contrast of the g
rey-white rain and fog and the bright turquoise water is indescribable. Nevermind the loss of direction, were joined by a lovely family of wild dolphins. Idiot Aussies had to make their mark: "Feed them some sardines!"
More to come later on.
Okay this formatting worked when I was on the idiot-proof page. I'm blaming blogger. Good luck.
Okay fast forward a 2 hour bus ride and a 45 min water taxi to an island 650m across.
Sunrise on Caye Caulker, Belize. ... And sunset (kind of).
Nothing like a fast-approaching tropical storm to set the mood for a day of diving. First time in my life I could make out streams of rain in the distance. Do you see it? It's called 'white rain'. We were able to enjoy some lovely sun during our time on the water, but were caught on the way back in. Visibility is reduced to about 6 metres.. the contrast of the g
rey-white rain and fog and the bright turquoise water is indescribable. Nevermind the loss of direction, were joined by a lovely family of wild dolphins. Idiot Aussies had to make their mark: "Feed them some sardines!"More to come later on.
Okay this formatting worked when I was on the idiot-proof page. I'm blaming blogger. Good luck.
Monday, August 8
All in a day
Today, I saw Tiger Woods play golf. It is another game, he is a genius and I love him. Properly love him. If, after watching this in motion, it is not love, I do not know what is.
Unbelievable.
Tomorrow, I leave for Belize for just shy of two weeks. Anticipate coming back bronze, rested and happy. Happy being the key word. Hopefully will have lots of quality pictures to share on my return. Keep well!
More Tiger
and the 18th hole.
(click on the images to get up close and personal)
Wednesday, July 20
A quick one in the morning
I missed my train and hell if I'm standing in this outdoor sauna for a second longer than I have to. Another day of frizzy, stinky and sticky Manhattan blocks. Not a problem. Job prospects are interesting but I have to be smart and not get stuck in shit again. My connections are turning out to know less than I do about where the 'best' place to be is, and instead are trying to woo me to marketing. Marketing my ass. Though who better to know what people want and need than the apple? No one, I say. Time to step it up a notch and market the apple. Hopefully I'll double my salary, get a place on the waterfront and a dolphin grey S4. Then my life will be perfect.
The thing about this blog is, that I never really got what I wanted out of it. You may say that I can only expect to get out what I put in, but that's kaak. Okay, maybe you have a point. I think it may be my relationship that may be killing me. How do you cope when you know the best thing in your life is going to be the demise of all that is you? How melodramatic. You all have been silent on the mating part of your lives, and I wonder if there's something to that. There's always a chance he'll stumble upon this and that will be the end of me. But then, if he hasn't already, who's to say he will? Maybe subconsciously, I want him to read this because I can't say what I need to and sometimes even want to. Can't bring myself to do it directly so instead, like a coward, I write this blog as an answer to my problems. Onwards and upwards, I say.
The thing about this blog is, that I never really got what I wanted out of it. You may say that I can only expect to get out what I put in, but that's kaak. Okay, maybe you have a point. I think it may be my relationship that may be killing me. How do you cope when you know the best thing in your life is going to be the demise of all that is you? How melodramatic. You all have been silent on the mating part of your lives, and I wonder if there's something to that. There's always a chance he'll stumble upon this and that will be the end of me. But then, if he hasn't already, who's to say he will? Maybe subconsciously, I want him to read this because I can't say what I need to and sometimes even want to. Can't bring myself to do it directly so instead, like a coward, I write this blog as an answer to my problems. Onwards and upwards, I say.
Monday, July 18
update
So I'm on the hunt for a new job. For something that's going to require blood and sweat and that's going to reward me very handsomely. I don't care anymore about the ideals of justice.. it's a bunch of crap. There is no such thing. Ultimately, all there is to settle, have a few babies, raise them to be the best human beings possible by teaching them the very ideals that have become almost laughable in my late age of 23. Then they'll become disillusioned and start the cycle over again. Forget justice, there is no such thing. There are and will always be 9 year old kids working in sweatshops. There are and will always be 9 year old girls and boys being traded like animals for sex. The filthy rich leaders driving Maybachs down dusty streets lined with beggars who, when they were children, were kidnapped and intentionally disfigured to invoke pity. The shrinking middle class trying to cope with the shrinking flow of cash. The fake boobs and premature balding Jones living next door. No, there's no such thing. The withering old bloke breaking his back in 40C heat will die on a straw mat while I drive by in an air conditioned car, to an air conditioned home and strive to maintain ultimate control over my climate. That's all there is. Justice is nowhere to be seen in this bubble.
Monday, June 27
Smells like goat
Where to begin. Ape and I have been having it a bit rough. No not having it, but at it. My mother is very bad for my health. I know this is the typical time for me to resent her, I'll love her when I'm older blah .. but every influence she's had on me has been negative and there really isn't much of a bias in that conclusion. Be that as it may, I can't just walk away.. some bizarre sense of duty and loyalty keeps me here begging for more abuse. Ape, being the heavy foreheaded creature that he is, is having none of it and wants me out now. Thing is Ferdinand is a gem, and although I wish he defended me against my mother, his intentions have been genuine. So I need to ship out and I have no idea how I'll orchestrate that. Picking up and moving to the UK isn't quite an option just yet, and even moving out is going to throw future financial plans into a tizzy. Renting a shoebox in Manhattan for $2600 is just not an option. Well it is but not worth considering. Rather pay a mortgage.. but I digress. Point is, Ape and I should be allright but I have to be stronger towards my mother for my own good. Now how to do that I don't know.
Completely different note, summer is shaping up quite nicely. Amazing how nice it is not to be a lazy sloth once in awhile. Spent the weekend in the city with good friends.. there really is no substitute. I go MiA for months at a time, can't be arsed to contact anyone but they still come to drag me out of the woodwork and we stay up until morning being aimless and chatting. And then when I want to sleep, they sit and play Wish You Were Here. That's love.
My anti social behaviour weeds out the chinks in the chain, can't tell you how many people have dismissed me out for not returning emails and not phoning them when they were abroad in New Zealand. Good riddance, I say. I'm not one for formalities, I don't ask how things are going unless I am genuinely interested. What is it about doing something for the sake of doing it? You can see that logic applying to skydiving, but friendship isn't for the sake of friendship. It's the connection that keeps us coming back to each other. What did Aristotle say about a man who is good for the sake of good? I don't remember, freshman Humanities was a long time ago. Feel free to enlighten me. Hopefully it follows my point. It just is, and when it is, it's beautiful.
Met these two when I was working in Islamabad. They made me laugh there and make me laugh now. Yasmine, complete with stunning blue eyes, is just like me only better looking. She's staying in Manhattan with her brother for the summer.. doing a Master's in Architecture and Urban Planning. When I was five years old I wanted to be an architect and I have no idea why I never did it. But I can live vicariously through her. Milton is just brilliant. He talks and talks and talks and talks and you just have to stop responding for him to shut up. The most astute, generous, charming and sincere person you'll ever meet, with an adorable baby face to boot. He's been married for two years though I have not yet met his wife. He was married shortly after I left Isloo, and then they both came to Boston and froze their arses off. She went to do her medical residency in the sticks of Illinois, and he, after completing his Master's in Public Health from none other than Harvard on a Presidential Scholarshp, is now consulting in a field completely unrelated. I have to brag about them because they're fantastic people and I miss Milton now that he's returned to this rented bedroom in Brighton. I see Yasmine almost everyday for lunch in the park. This was a meandering post, but so grateful for the amazing people in my life. What a cheese.
Completely different note, summer is shaping up quite nicely. Amazing how nice it is not to be a lazy sloth once in awhile. Spent the weekend in the city with good friends.. there really is no substitute. I go MiA for months at a time, can't be arsed to contact anyone but they still come to drag me out of the woodwork and we stay up until morning being aimless and chatting. And then when I want to sleep, they sit and play Wish You Were Here. That's love.
My anti social behaviour weeds out the chinks in the chain, can't tell you how many people have dismissed me out for not returning emails and not phoning them when they were abroad in New Zealand. Good riddance, I say. I'm not one for formalities, I don't ask how things are going unless I am genuinely interested. What is it about doing something for the sake of doing it? You can see that logic applying to skydiving, but friendship isn't for the sake of friendship. It's the connection that keeps us coming back to each other. What did Aristotle say about a man who is good for the sake of good? I don't remember, freshman Humanities was a long time ago. Feel free to enlighten me. Hopefully it follows my point. It just is, and when it is, it's beautiful.
Met these two when I was working in Islamabad. They made me laugh there and make me laugh now. Yasmine, complete with stunning blue eyes, is just like me only better looking. She's staying in Manhattan with her brother for the summer.. doing a Master's in Architecture and Urban Planning. When I was five years old I wanted to be an architect and I have no idea why I never did it. But I can live vicariously through her. Milton is just brilliant. He talks and talks and talks and talks and you just have to stop responding for him to shut up. The most astute, generous, charming and sincere person you'll ever meet, with an adorable baby face to boot. He's been married for two years though I have not yet met his wife. He was married shortly after I left Isloo, and then they both came to Boston and froze their arses off. She went to do her medical residency in the sticks of Illinois, and he, after completing his Master's in Public Health from none other than Harvard on a Presidential Scholarshp, is now consulting in a field completely unrelated. I have to brag about them because they're fantastic people and I miss Milton now that he's returned to this rented bedroom in Brighton. I see Yasmine almost everyday for lunch in the park. This was a meandering post, but so grateful for the amazing people in my life. What a cheese.
Monday, June 13
Wacko
So Wacko is off the hook. Might as well be. I haven't followed it, don't particularly care. Don't really know what the story is but I guess one never does. I must say, though that I've caught a glimpse of the enigma that is wacko jacko in none other than the beatiful City of Exeter. Is Exeter a city or a town? Anyhow, I glanced over at a passing limo with the rear window cracked only to find a video camera looking back at me and upon closer inspection, I saw non other than that famous ashen face with the unnatural nose. I knew he was in town doing something or other with Uri Geller, but never expected to see him. Only problem is that he has me on tape in a place I have never officially visited. I was in Spain for that summer, supposedly. In fact, I snuck over to the British Isles for some quality time with the ape unbeknownst to my trusting parents. And none other than wacko is in possession of the tape that can ruin my good name.
Summer is such a brilliant time of year. I always extol the distinct various seasons we experience here: bitter cold winters, blooming springtime, searing summers and lovely autumn colours. That said, summertime is where it's at. Of course I'll moan about the 87% humidity and not feel comfortable even after I've showered twice a day but there is this feeling of revival and life when walking in the heat of the sun. There is no substitute for summer evenings, hands down the happiest moments of my life. I remember my last days at university when the magnificent Mira and I sat on the roof of my brownstone and discussed the meaning of life and what to have for dinner. That soothing blue glow that settles as the sun does, cooling the air and calming the nerves. In Sydney, I'd sit on my little balcony with the handomest Staffie you've ever seen resting his head on my toes while I read Tony Hawks' Playing the Moldovans at Tennis. I've decided I'm going to be spending June through September in the Northern Hemisphere and the rest of the time way down south. There is nothing like a Southern Hemisphere summer. I was made for the tropics, there is something so invigorating in the rich colours that come alive in the sunlight and the warmth of the evenings that is lost in the deciduous forests of the North East. Anyhow, I'm in a rare mood, hopefully this sticks.
Summer is such a brilliant time of year. I always extol the distinct various seasons we experience here: bitter cold winters, blooming springtime, searing summers and lovely autumn colours. That said, summertime is where it's at. Of course I'll moan about the 87% humidity and not feel comfortable even after I've showered twice a day but there is this feeling of revival and life when walking in the heat of the sun. There is no substitute for summer evenings, hands down the happiest moments of my life. I remember my last days at university when the magnificent Mira and I sat on the roof of my brownstone and discussed the meaning of life and what to have for dinner. That soothing blue glow that settles as the sun does, cooling the air and calming the nerves. In Sydney, I'd sit on my little balcony with the handomest Staffie you've ever seen resting his head on my toes while I read Tony Hawks' Playing the Moldovans at Tennis. I've decided I'm going to be spending June through September in the Northern Hemisphere and the rest of the time way down south. There is nothing like a Southern Hemisphere summer. I was made for the tropics, there is something so invigorating in the rich colours that come alive in the sunlight and the warmth of the evenings that is lost in the deciduous forests of the North East. Anyhow, I'm in a rare mood, hopefully this sticks.
Sunday, June 5
golf therapy
You just have to swing it. Stop thinking about it, you don't need to guide it. All you need to do is be aware of the weight shift from your right to your left, let everything else be loose. Everything else will follow. Okay, now what went wrong there was that you held on too long. You tried to hit it. Now just let it go, don't focus on it, all that matters is the next ball. When Tiger hits it in the woods, he doesn't get upset, he just thinks about his next shot and that's how he gets onto the green. Now get yourself out of the woods, all you need is one shot.
That's all there is to it. See, if I tell you to picture a lemon and then I tell you to forget about it, there is no way you're going to get the lemon out of your head. The second you think about something else is when you'll forget. I want you to think of lemons when you're trying to hit this ball. It's not about hitting the perfect shot. Well it is, but you can't be obsessed with the perfect shot. It's better for your game if you focus on minimizing your mistakes. But then again, you can't be focusing on your mistakes. It's not so technical. When you finish today and I ask you how you did, you're going to tell me everything you did wrong. I can't wait for the day you tell me about the great shots, the errors you were able to correct with the next shot.
Now, just get into a routine. Take two practice swings everytime, feel the shift. Forget about your arms and your hands, they'll get to where they need to be. Just swing it. Right to left. Once you establish the consistency of a routine you can't go wrong. Just swing it.
Now see, what a beauty! Why do you look so surprised?
That's not surprise, that's shock.
Yeh, that's the beauty of it. After 50 years, I still get surprised.
I'll get bored without the surprise.
That's all there is to it. See, if I tell you to picture a lemon and then I tell you to forget about it, there is no way you're going to get the lemon out of your head. The second you think about something else is when you'll forget. I want you to think of lemons when you're trying to hit this ball. It's not about hitting the perfect shot. Well it is, but you can't be obsessed with the perfect shot. It's better for your game if you focus on minimizing your mistakes. But then again, you can't be focusing on your mistakes. It's not so technical. When you finish today and I ask you how you did, you're going to tell me everything you did wrong. I can't wait for the day you tell me about the great shots, the errors you were able to correct with the next shot.
Now, just get into a routine. Take two practice swings everytime, feel the shift. Forget about your arms and your hands, they'll get to where they need to be. Just swing it. Right to left. Once you establish the consistency of a routine you can't go wrong. Just swing it.
Now see, what a beauty! Why do you look so surprised?
That's not surprise, that's shock.
Yeh, that's the beauty of it. After 50 years, I still get surprised.
I'll get bored without the surprise.
Friday, June 3
The Emperor's New Clothes
Excuse me, Netflix, but since when is Pulp Fiction an independent film? Quentin Tarantino is the most overrated director around. His movies are like the emperor's new clothes. There is nothing there but a whole lot of yelling, guns and Uma Thurman in spandex. Yet he has a following, these overt theater types who see meaning in the crap he spews forth, as if he actually has a message behind the anime and swordfights. He is a quack, get on with it. What is wrong with these smelly hippies thinking they're above and beyond normality, everything they do has to be from far left otherwise its not authentic. Freaking hippies.
Monday, May 23
summertime
This is promising to be a fantastic summer, with the right doses of laziness and laughs. Hanna is going to be in the city for the entire summer starting next week, living with her ever so handsome brother and it will be great. Hanna is my fabulous friend I met working in Islamabad for a summer, she's currently doing her master's in architecture and is brilliant, funny and ditzy all at once. Mostly, she's just honest. Mira is going to be coming down on the weekends, and we're going to go to Cape Cod for at least one weekend. I've been living in a social desert for the past few months, peppered with spurts of debauchery. Not the evil kind, purely innocent but fun nights out and they are so refreshing. I'm tired of being tired from work and have stopped being a lazy three-toed sloth and it's so refreshing. It is my first summer that it's not a holiday summer - summer doesn't mean anything to these corporate types except that it's light later and that means we should work mote because it doesn't seem as late at 7pm. Not me, though. I'm leaving in a few months and moving on to something that requires more than a dumb monkey. I really honestly don't understand the ego that brokers carry around with them - their job is shit. It's a lot of money for shit, but really you can make a lot of money doing something even a little bit more interesting. I'd take a huge paycut to do something that was mentally engaging.. any ideas? I really honestly do enjoy economics, numbers and logic. But then the hours of a research analyst are often ridiculous and lest you forget, I'm lazy. I also don't want to wear a suit to work which may end up being a decisive factor.
Anyhow, my point was that summertime is here and it's going to be awesome. Lots of parties and things going on and time to return from my sabbatical.
Anyhow, my point was that summertime is here and it's going to be awesome. Lots of parties and things going on and time to return from my sabbatical.
Tuesday, May 17
A 'deep' one
There have been a few sudden deaths in the recent weeks. Well more than a few, I imagine, but I'm talking about the people in my life. Completely unexpected endings -- brain cancer, car accident, and simply not waking up. Now if I explained who these people were, it doesn't do justice to my relationship with any of them. Who I consider 'family' is not necessarily related by blood and while I wasn't directly related to these people, they are deeply missed. Mira's aunt was diagnosed with brain cancer a few weeks back. She went to the doctor because she was having bizarre episodes of memory loss and was told that the cancer had progressed too far to do anything and she would have 72 hours at most. Well, after few steroid treatments and three weeks of watching her painful deterioration, she passed. During those weeks, she lapsed into coma-like states to waken and talk about meeting with relatives who had already died and who 'weren't letting her come'. Then she spent days crying, begging everyone for forgiveness, for not being a good mother, wife, daughter, sister. Finally at peace, surrounded by prayers and love, she left. I have never imagined coming to terms with my own mortality in such a tangible way. What a brave, powerful woman. Salaam khala.
I don't have the courage to think of what I'll say to my Creator when he asks me about my choices. There is so much I could have done and didn't, so much I shouldn't have done and did. When it comes down to it, my everyday decisions define my life in the larger sense. Whether I wake up to pray or sleep the extra forty minutes; whether I appreciate what I have or moan about nonsense. There's nothing to say that tomorrow won't be the last and I am absolutely not ready for that. I know you can never be totally ready for death, but I want to be at peace with what I've done, how I've dealt with whomever I've met. If I did myself justice, I suppose. That certainly isn't the case. I've made a few resolutions on here, I know, but I suppose that's the point of the blog. What a stupid word - blog. If it was called anything else I may have a bit more respect for it. This isn't about a newfound fear or something, it's more along the lines of thinking independently, not worried about what others think while respecting their boundaries. It's about keeping a sense of the world around me and maintaining myself within it. Something about leaving a place better than when I found it.
This is all a bit heavy, and probably a little melodramatic. But really, any day could be the last and then what?
I don't have the courage to think of what I'll say to my Creator when he asks me about my choices. There is so much I could have done and didn't, so much I shouldn't have done and did. When it comes down to it, my everyday decisions define my life in the larger sense. Whether I wake up to pray or sleep the extra forty minutes; whether I appreciate what I have or moan about nonsense. There's nothing to say that tomorrow won't be the last and I am absolutely not ready for that. I know you can never be totally ready for death, but I want to be at peace with what I've done, how I've dealt with whomever I've met. If I did myself justice, I suppose. That certainly isn't the case. I've made a few resolutions on here, I know, but I suppose that's the point of the blog. What a stupid word - blog. If it was called anything else I may have a bit more respect for it. This isn't about a newfound fear or something, it's more along the lines of thinking independently, not worried about what others think while respecting their boundaries. It's about keeping a sense of the world around me and maintaining myself within it. Something about leaving a place better than when I found it.
This is all a bit heavy, and probably a little melodramatic. But really, any day could be the last and then what?
Wednesday, May 11
Hookey
I played hookey from work today, because quite frankly, my job sucks. The reason was 'inflammation in my gums', which isn't entirely untrue but pretty good, I thought.
So on my fabulous day off, I had a lie in and then played a round at my local golf course which isn't really a proper course but moreso a large pitch and putt with the longest hole topping off at around 170 yards. It is a beautiful, immaculately maintained short course open to residents of my uppity municipality. At midday there are about 5 or 6 people slashing and slicing, retirees and the like. I find it interesting how diverse golf is becoming, aside from prodigies like Tiger Woods and Vijay Singh, its average particpants are largely older white guys who have enough money to fork over excesses of 5-6m annual club memberships and 100 per round. Not to mention the background and connections necessary to get into the club in the first place. Anyhow, it is pretty cool to see different people around and as arrogant as that comment is, I have to say it. I mean hell, I'm 'different' but there were never any real restrictions on my playing golf aside from admission to the major private clubs in my vicinity, something I'm not missing at all as I have plenty of semi-private and public clubs to slash and slice in. My point is, its more accessible and the class divide is less obvious. If you want to play, you can and if you are good enough, you'll get noticed. I wonder where the next Tiger or Vijay will come from.
I also had time to do a bit of browsing online, catching up on reading. In the past few months I've lost interest in the news. The headlines are a joke in themselves. Whatever the story might be, whatever interest I may have had in it is completely washed by the stereotypical, aggressive and simplistic tone of the headline. I mean something like Iraqi Insurgents go on Rampage, Kill 69 is such a stupid thing to print. A basic degree of common sense will force me to tell you that I doubt they are not all Iraqis and, unfortunately for your simplistic mind, my friend, they didn't go on a 'rampage' like drunken elephants. Okay that wasn't on a new source I regularly read, but still, I see that on the backs of newspapers on my train ride home and just swallow the hard knowledge that the reader of that paper believes that when Iraqi's, or anyone who isn't 'us' defends themselves it is actually a rampage.
The other day I read in the BBC about trains in Iran having female-only cars and permitting women in the other cars only if they were accompanied by a male relative. On the same day, from the same webpage I read about female-only traincars in Japan because of rising incidents of groping on the crowded trains. In Japan, this change is lauded as a stride towards women's rights, preventing them from enduring discomfort on their daily commute; while in Iran, it is a restrictive practice further evidencing the dire state of women in Islamic socities.
That isn't my real issue with the media though. Well I suppose part of it is - the popular media is a joke and should be forbidden from reducing complex issues to a simplistic one-sided view. Screw freedom of speech, if you're a moron you don't deserve to speak. My real issue is that this is how things are. Nuclear tests. Darfur. Burundi. Guantanamo. Iraq. Palestine. Famine. Poverty. This isn't how things have to be but instead how they are. What's the point of burying myself in it when it is just going to continue, business as usual. Analysing it, discovering truth under truth isn't going to change the fact that injustice prevails more often than justice. The way that things are isn't going to change, Americans are both too dumb and too powerful to make a change and the rest of the world has its own shit to worry about. We want to drive our cheap plastic Hummers and Ford Explorers because we can, and we refuse to pay the $10 a gallon the rest of the world pays for gas because, well, why should we? So why bother thinking about it and creating my own personal hell by obsessing over the children killed in Rwanda or the families destroyed by the Janjaweed in Sudan?
My disgust comes down to everday people. The ones who think it's okay to interrupt someone else in mid-sentence; that it's okay to push someone aside to be able to carry on down their path; that it's okay to push past someone through a door; that it's okay to blow smoke in someone's face; that it's okay to throw rubbish wherever it may fall. These behaviours stem from a deep malfunction in basic human decency. They extend much farther beyond this but these are everyday symptoms. And then there are the women with two rodent-like dogs in matching Hermes collars, with their $7m handbags strutting around Park Avenue moaning about the pollen in the air. Look at the flowers you cow. Where do these people come from? What in your mind justifies such arrogance? Don't get me wrong, I love handbags and shoes and things, and I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford them but also smart enough to know that I don't need them which, ironically, is the biggest fortune of all. I don't know what it is that is frustrating me, this may be coming from something not right with me. Why don't I love this as much as the people around me do?
So on my fabulous day off, I had a lie in and then played a round at my local golf course which isn't really a proper course but moreso a large pitch and putt with the longest hole topping off at around 170 yards. It is a beautiful, immaculately maintained short course open to residents of my uppity municipality. At midday there are about 5 or 6 people slashing and slicing, retirees and the like. I find it interesting how diverse golf is becoming, aside from prodigies like Tiger Woods and Vijay Singh, its average particpants are largely older white guys who have enough money to fork over excesses of 5-6m annual club memberships and 100 per round. Not to mention the background and connections necessary to get into the club in the first place. Anyhow, it is pretty cool to see different people around and as arrogant as that comment is, I have to say it. I mean hell, I'm 'different' but there were never any real restrictions on my playing golf aside from admission to the major private clubs in my vicinity, something I'm not missing at all as I have plenty of semi-private and public clubs to slash and slice in. My point is, its more accessible and the class divide is less obvious. If you want to play, you can and if you are good enough, you'll get noticed. I wonder where the next Tiger or Vijay will come from.
I also had time to do a bit of browsing online, catching up on reading. In the past few months I've lost interest in the news. The headlines are a joke in themselves. Whatever the story might be, whatever interest I may have had in it is completely washed by the stereotypical, aggressive and simplistic tone of the headline. I mean something like Iraqi Insurgents go on Rampage, Kill 69 is such a stupid thing to print. A basic degree of common sense will force me to tell you that I doubt they are not all Iraqis and, unfortunately for your simplistic mind, my friend, they didn't go on a 'rampage' like drunken elephants. Okay that wasn't on a new source I regularly read, but still, I see that on the backs of newspapers on my train ride home and just swallow the hard knowledge that the reader of that paper believes that when Iraqi's, or anyone who isn't 'us' defends themselves it is actually a rampage.
The other day I read in the BBC about trains in Iran having female-only cars and permitting women in the other cars only if they were accompanied by a male relative. On the same day, from the same webpage I read about female-only traincars in Japan because of rising incidents of groping on the crowded trains. In Japan, this change is lauded as a stride towards women's rights, preventing them from enduring discomfort on their daily commute; while in Iran, it is a restrictive practice further evidencing the dire state of women in Islamic socities.
That isn't my real issue with the media though. Well I suppose part of it is - the popular media is a joke and should be forbidden from reducing complex issues to a simplistic one-sided view. Screw freedom of speech, if you're a moron you don't deserve to speak. My real issue is that this is how things are. Nuclear tests. Darfur. Burundi. Guantanamo. Iraq. Palestine. Famine. Poverty. This isn't how things have to be but instead how they are. What's the point of burying myself in it when it is just going to continue, business as usual. Analysing it, discovering truth under truth isn't going to change the fact that injustice prevails more often than justice. The way that things are isn't going to change, Americans are both too dumb and too powerful to make a change and the rest of the world has its own shit to worry about. We want to drive our cheap plastic Hummers and Ford Explorers because we can, and we refuse to pay the $10 a gallon the rest of the world pays for gas because, well, why should we? So why bother thinking about it and creating my own personal hell by obsessing over the children killed in Rwanda or the families destroyed by the Janjaweed in Sudan?
My disgust comes down to everday people. The ones who think it's okay to interrupt someone else in mid-sentence; that it's okay to push someone aside to be able to carry on down their path; that it's okay to push past someone through a door; that it's okay to blow smoke in someone's face; that it's okay to throw rubbish wherever it may fall. These behaviours stem from a deep malfunction in basic human decency. They extend much farther beyond this but these are everyday symptoms. And then there are the women with two rodent-like dogs in matching Hermes collars, with their $7m handbags strutting around Park Avenue moaning about the pollen in the air. Look at the flowers you cow. Where do these people come from? What in your mind justifies such arrogance? Don't get me wrong, I love handbags and shoes and things, and I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford them but also smart enough to know that I don't need them which, ironically, is the biggest fortune of all. I don't know what it is that is frustrating me, this may be coming from something not right with me. Why don't I love this as much as the people around me do?
Sunday, May 8
And how have you been?
Well, must say I am warmed by your welcome back. Not warm enough to have anything useful to say. My job has become just short of unbearable and I'll be over the edge any day now. I have to stick around until the end of the year before I move onto something more engaging because if I leave now, I will look like a flight risk to my next potential employer. I am still one-quarter way through The Life of Pi as I am one slow reader. Still loving it and still wanting to get through it. My want of sleep still wins over my curiosity. It is already May, can you believe it? I can't. I'm still on the whole, the year has just begun roll and thus have not made any great strides towards anything. Summertime is upon us and my chub still needs to budge. I have bought a new set of beautiful golf clubs and I expect many late summer evenings at my local course perfecting my transformation into a large cat. This is so bloody boring. I'll write soon, peace out.
Tuesday, May 3
Zsuuu Zsuuuuuu
Hello, friends. Are you still awake? Well, this past month has been thoroughly enjoyable for me at least. Spring has arrived and the tree limbs are no longer barren, there is sunlight streaming through the windows until 7 in evening, the azalea buds are on the verge of explosion. And the bloody squirrels are eating my petunias.
My lovely and dearest ape came for a fleeting visit, spent most of it harping and moaning on how much America sucks and the rest of the time golfing. When I returned from Sydney, it was a bit of culture shock for me and it has been an overload for him. Actually it was thoroughly an overload for him and he let his thoughts be known. Still enjoyed his visit though, because of course time with the apple outweighs (in more ways than one) all those grievances. I'm so tired of waiting to be with him. But things are still in limbo, he wants to be a scholar like Buster Bluth. And so dealing with admission cycles and getting funding puts marriage on the back burner. Unfortunately in our religious context we don't really have the liberty to be together outside of being married. That being said, I have another year at least to focus on myself still have a bit of work to do towards my fitness goals and growing up in general.
I had some deep thoughts while walking to work this morning that have distanced themselves now. I'll get back to you on that one.
So, how have you been?
My lovely and dearest ape came for a fleeting visit, spent most of it harping and moaning on how much America sucks and the rest of the time golfing. When I returned from Sydney, it was a bit of culture shock for me and it has been an overload for him. Actually it was thoroughly an overload for him and he let his thoughts be known. Still enjoyed his visit though, because of course time with the apple outweighs (in more ways than one) all those grievances. I'm so tired of waiting to be with him. But things are still in limbo, he wants to be a scholar like Buster Bluth. And so dealing with admission cycles and getting funding puts marriage on the back burner. Unfortunately in our religious context we don't really have the liberty to be together outside of being married. That being said, I have another year at least to focus on myself still have a bit of work to do towards my fitness goals and growing up in general.
I had some deep thoughts while walking to work this morning that have distanced themselves now. I'll get back to you on that one.
So, how have you been?
Sunday, April 3
Free Tibet
The other day I was standing outside trying to hail a taxi for this elderly couple. I moonlight as a doorman during my lunch hour, you see. Apparently at 2pm going south on Park Avenue, nary an empty taxi is to be found. In the midst of my efforts I was mobbed by a 'Free Tibet' protest that was making its way down the road, and was swept about an entire city block from where I was standing. I literally could not step out from the crowd which was thoroughly harrowing. I was outside without a coat in freezing weather, distraught with my little journey. A police officer, after observing me the entire way, suggested I wear a hat. That is all.
Thursday, March 24
chatter
Since I decided to be 'positive' I haven't had much to say. That says a lot in itself, eh? I've started reading the esteemed Wall Street Journal on my way in to work, to fit in with all the other boring bankers and brokers who share the train platform during the wee hours of the morning with me. It's not the best writing I've come across, I must say. Work is going pretty well, aside from the incident on Friday evening when three of the dumbest people I've ever encountered ganged up on me spouting things like "Would you ever die for your religion?" and, my personal favourite: "I thought you were a normal Italian girl when I met you, I never would have guessed you were Muslim." There was a bit of "The Qur'an says that you have to kill all Jews!", and of course the classic "Muslims hate Jews." I find myself mentioning my faith on here a lot, and at times it may seem I have a chip on my shoulder or something. Well, I get that impression from myself. I don't feel that way at all. In fact, I think faith is an intensely pesonal experience and don't particularly like talking to others about it, unless of course I sense that an interesting conversation or some new knowledge is just around the corner. However, I don't mind offering an odd bit of explanation to clarify a misconception. I hope I don't approach it in a defensive manner, moreso like the simple information that it is. I actually like to fan out some of my thoughts on here as this tends to be on of my few outlets. I hope you don't mind. You can understand why getting into an argument with a bunch of morons like those mentioned above is such a disconcerting experience. I wasn't arguing, though I enjoyed making them dizzy with circles of logic. The absurdity of the scene becomes especially clear when I describe the characters. One was a disabled Black man, an Italian and a Russian Jew. The first complains constantly of discrimination, demands everyone call him African American and tried to tell my why Al Sharpton is such a good guy. The Italian gets annoyed when people associate him with the mafia. And the Russian Jew is the one who asked me if Muslim and Islam are the same thing. I should elaborate.
Actually, I've decided to sod describing them because I was enjoying it a bit too much. And I shouldn't take such glee in illustrating the faults of others. Have enough to worry about myself. Like that lovely piece of upside down cake I was unable to resist tonight. Let's talk about that. Actually, let's not and let it manifest itself in the extra bit of pudge that makes my stomach that much softer. I can feel it now.
Early this week was utterly beautiful, signs of warmth were all around. Hopes were high for the onset of spring, only to be drowned in the sleet, rain and snow that covered everything the following evening. It's like a cruel game. I'm going to start running and running as soon as it's warm enough not to freeze the inside of my nose. That's a promise. But I'll stop if my knees hurt.
This is nonsense, but it is written nonsense and sometimes this is all there is, my friends. I'll be happy if you have any suggestions on writing topics. No political commentary to offer. Kyrgyzstan has new leadership. I love how every newspaper article or radio commentary begins with: "The Central Asian nation of.. ". I mean, if someone said Kyrgyzstan do you, if they could say it at all, you'd have an idea of where on the map to put your finger. Not knowing the capital is Bishkek is understandable for someone who didn't have Ferdinand as a father. Ferdinand used to quiz us on countries' capitals on a regular basis. This isn't why I remember, however. When I interned at the State Dept, I would be amused for hours by reading the daily wires that came in from all the embassies around the world. They were each titled by the capital city in which they were hosted and it was pretty cool to read developments as they were reported to Secretary Powell. That was pretty wicked, actually.
Bloody hell, I didn't say anything about Amina Wadud. This whole process is so exciting. Finally, steps are being taken to separate the historical context from the actual tenets of the faith and things will start moving forward. God willing.
Actually, I've decided to sod describing them because I was enjoying it a bit too much. And I shouldn't take such glee in illustrating the faults of others. Have enough to worry about myself. Like that lovely piece of upside down cake I was unable to resist tonight. Let's talk about that. Actually, let's not and let it manifest itself in the extra bit of pudge that makes my stomach that much softer. I can feel it now.
Early this week was utterly beautiful, signs of warmth were all around. Hopes were high for the onset of spring, only to be drowned in the sleet, rain and snow that covered everything the following evening. It's like a cruel game. I'm going to start running and running as soon as it's warm enough not to freeze the inside of my nose. That's a promise. But I'll stop if my knees hurt.
This is nonsense, but it is written nonsense and sometimes this is all there is, my friends. I'll be happy if you have any suggestions on writing topics. No political commentary to offer. Kyrgyzstan has new leadership. I love how every newspaper article or radio commentary begins with: "The Central Asian nation of.. ". I mean, if someone said Kyrgyzstan do you, if they could say it at all, you'd have an idea of where on the map to put your finger. Not knowing the capital is Bishkek is understandable for someone who didn't have Ferdinand as a father. Ferdinand used to quiz us on countries' capitals on a regular basis. This isn't why I remember, however. When I interned at the State Dept, I would be amused for hours by reading the daily wires that came in from all the embassies around the world. They were each titled by the capital city in which they were hosted and it was pretty cool to read developments as they were reported to Secretary Powell. That was pretty wicked, actually.
Bloody hell, I didn't say anything about Amina Wadud. This whole process is so exciting. Finally, steps are being taken to separate the historical context from the actual tenets of the faith and things will start moving forward. God willing.
Thursday, March 17
double negative
This blog will henceforth be an exercise in positivity. It's a bit ridiculous how angry I've been sounding, so depressed and self-pitying. Bah. I've always liked silver. No more bitterapple. I'll be a candied apple from now on. I wonder how long those keep.
Wednesday, March 16
Flying toasters.
Now this is just taking the piss. It's as fitting as Bush appointing Hitler as Ambassador to Israel. How is it possible that he continues to be so oblivious to the absurdities of his very existence? I can go on and on about the sheer idiocy of this man but I don't think anything I say could ever do him justice.
But of course, this is all cunningly strategic. It's just easier to take the piss out of this man than face the frightening fact of his brilliance. I just don't understand why I'm the only one pulling my hair out. Why is no one yelling and screaming? Everyday I hear something more obscene and outrageous than the day before, orchestrated by the Bush regime. What is wrong with people that they maintain their glassy stares while reading the 'news'? I catch headlines over people's shoulders on the train and wonder if they're just illiterate. They might as well be. What's wrong with me that I sit and moan about it yet don't do anything to cause change? Why don't I go into the foreign service, mesmerize my way to the top and make some lasting change? It's a Catch 22, as they say. I can't pledge my allegiance to a regime so heinous. If I ever saw Bush I don't know how I'd keep from spitting in his face. Such a vile creature. But you have to enter the system to cause change. Doesn't do much to keep beating a brick wall, need to go from the inside. I thought that was what democracy is. It is. So what does it mean for democracy when chronic election fraud is reported? When people are imprisoned without charge or trial? When private records are monitored by the government? When democratically elected leaders are overthrown? What breed of democracy is this? Is it so, that democracy is still evolving? Wasn't Fukuyama hailed as a genius when he said that we have reached 'The End of History'? That democracy is the final stage of political thought? Well I appreciate the offer, but this just isn't good enough.
But of course, this is all cunningly strategic. It's just easier to take the piss out of this man than face the frightening fact of his brilliance. I just don't understand why I'm the only one pulling my hair out. Why is no one yelling and screaming? Everyday I hear something more obscene and outrageous than the day before, orchestrated by the Bush regime. What is wrong with people that they maintain their glassy stares while reading the 'news'? I catch headlines over people's shoulders on the train and wonder if they're just illiterate. They might as well be. What's wrong with me that I sit and moan about it yet don't do anything to cause change? Why don't I go into the foreign service, mesmerize my way to the top and make some lasting change? It's a Catch 22, as they say. I can't pledge my allegiance to a regime so heinous. If I ever saw Bush I don't know how I'd keep from spitting in his face. Such a vile creature. But you have to enter the system to cause change. Doesn't do much to keep beating a brick wall, need to go from the inside. I thought that was what democracy is. It is. So what does it mean for democracy when chronic election fraud is reported? When people are imprisoned without charge or trial? When private records are monitored by the government? When democratically elected leaders are overthrown? What breed of democracy is this? Is it so, that democracy is still evolving? Wasn't Fukuyama hailed as a genius when he said that we have reached 'The End of History'? That democracy is the final stage of political thought? Well I appreciate the offer, but this just isn't good enough.
Saturday, March 12
blur
Sometimes the days just go by in a whirlwind, a combination of colors and sounds and smells that together create this onslaught that, at times, overwhelms the mind and results in what can only be described as the sensory system 'shutting off'. The processing slows and it takes a heroic effort even to perform the most mundane functions that require some response to immediate environmental signals. The weeks and months and years of self-motivation and what can only be described as clarity of movement seem like they belong to an entirely different dimension now. The 'switching off' isn't necessarily spontaneous, and is likely to be somewhere between the conscioius and sub-conscious realm where the interaction of emotion and mental computation result in the decision to limit intake in order to implement quality control on the product. It is difficult to understand this transition as a decision because it is not rational. Why would I want to limit myself? This leans towards the assumption that this process, though not instantaneous, is undetectable and is only recognized in its final stages.
I am finding myself in this hole where I look at everything around me and no longer see anything. I'm just looking. This realization alone is enough to entrench the 'switching off' and so I need to make a conscious effort to recover lost ground. The whole point is to move forward, to see things I missed the first time around and go from there. The problem with this situation is that if I focus on it, it is even more difficult to resulve. There has to be something of a natural quality to the progress, so much that once begun, it is difficult to derail.
I'm done moaning, I need to get on with my day. This is incredibly depressing and it has to be fixed. I need to just do it and get on with the journey. Ape is coming in April to meet my parents and do all of that. Should be interesting.
I am finding myself in this hole where I look at everything around me and no longer see anything. I'm just looking. This realization alone is enough to entrench the 'switching off' and so I need to make a conscious effort to recover lost ground. The whole point is to move forward, to see things I missed the first time around and go from there. The problem with this situation is that if I focus on it, it is even more difficult to resulve. There has to be something of a natural quality to the progress, so much that once begun, it is difficult to derail.
I'm done moaning, I need to get on with my day. This is incredibly depressing and it has to be fixed. I need to just do it and get on with the journey. Ape is coming in April to meet my parents and do all of that. Should be interesting.
Tuesday, March 8
Monday, February 28
double helix
So it's been awhile, and to be quite honest, not a lot has happened. It's my first time home before 7 due to the snowstorm that has graced this already cheerful Monday. All I have to say is that I have come across some ridiculous people. I work with this disabled black guy who always makes comments like "typical woman" or, "I know how you women think, all alike" and I'm just biting my tongue for now but I can't wait for the day I blurt out a suitable stereotype to shut him up. I can't believe I'm even blogging about him. I always catch myself thinking about the latest absurdity he graced me with and get annoyed for wasting my precious apple thoughts on him. Ugh. Anyhow, work is cheery.
I keep thinking about Bella's post on character flaws and try to analyse my own. But how do you do that? I mean really do that without justifying them. I think I'm arrogant ... well I know I am but I don't really do anything about it. I don't really want to as I spent a great deal of my adolesence thinking that I was always wrong and, as a result, was quite miserable because of it. Now I largely despise the people I used to admire when I was an idiot. Now I've learned that I do infinitely better when I have faith in myself, and I don't know how to do that outside of being an arrogant prick. I think my self-depreciating humor is a result of this guilt, trying to make myself feel bad for being good. Please explain that to me. Or tell me what I already know. Please indulge me.
This blog is an exercise in arrogance. I keep reading all these comments about blogs being self-indulgent and how this complaint is en vogue. I really want you people to tell me I'm right. How lame is that? I mean is there a worse form of insecurity and bullshit? If I can find such interesting and engaging characters as you all in this weird, twisted sense of community, why am I so retarded when it comes to real life? I met an inventor today and he was just hilarious and smart and I just wanted to go get a cup of coffee with him. I wanted to pick his brain apart. Nothing romatic, mind, he was Canadian. I don't drink coffee, I'm more of a tea person. English Breakfast, if you're asking. I want to be surrounded by people who are better than me but then I either end up feeling pretty shitty about myself or realise that I've set up a bunch of architecturally unsound pedestals and get bored and move on. So what to do? What am I really after? Do I want to feel good about myself or am I more comfortable being uncomfortable? What am I basing 'myself' on - what's the scale? What do I really value? What is intelligence? And where does it live? Isa is a smart cookie and a brilliant read, and she makes it all seem so easy. If you want more examples, go on and peruse down the blogs I've listed. Don't forget Goldfish who has most certainly been injected by something unearthly. Everyone there has displayed ingenuity, something I've come to crave. I hate stating the obvious so obviously.. I want to be so creative and witty. What a stupid complaint. Ugh is right.
Oh.. and what the hell is going on in Lebanon?
I keep thinking about Bella's post on character flaws and try to analyse my own. But how do you do that? I mean really do that without justifying them. I think I'm arrogant ... well I know I am but I don't really do anything about it. I don't really want to as I spent a great deal of my adolesence thinking that I was always wrong and, as a result, was quite miserable because of it. Now I largely despise the people I used to admire when I was an idiot. Now I've learned that I do infinitely better when I have faith in myself, and I don't know how to do that outside of being an arrogant prick. I think my self-depreciating humor is a result of this guilt, trying to make myself feel bad for being good. Please explain that to me. Or tell me what I already know. Please indulge me.
This blog is an exercise in arrogance. I keep reading all these comments about blogs being self-indulgent and how this complaint is en vogue. I really want you people to tell me I'm right. How lame is that? I mean is there a worse form of insecurity and bullshit? If I can find such interesting and engaging characters as you all in this weird, twisted sense of community, why am I so retarded when it comes to real life? I met an inventor today and he was just hilarious and smart and I just wanted to go get a cup of coffee with him. I wanted to pick his brain apart. Nothing romatic, mind, he was Canadian. I don't drink coffee, I'm more of a tea person. English Breakfast, if you're asking. I want to be surrounded by people who are better than me but then I either end up feeling pretty shitty about myself or realise that I've set up a bunch of architecturally unsound pedestals and get bored and move on. So what to do? What am I really after? Do I want to feel good about myself or am I more comfortable being uncomfortable? What am I basing 'myself' on - what's the scale? What do I really value? What is intelligence? And where does it live? Isa is a smart cookie and a brilliant read, and she makes it all seem so easy. If you want more examples, go on and peruse down the blogs I've listed. Don't forget Goldfish who has most certainly been injected by something unearthly. Everyone there has displayed ingenuity, something I've come to crave. I hate stating the obvious so obviously.. I want to be so creative and witty. What a stupid complaint. Ugh is right.
Oh.. and what the hell is going on in Lebanon?
Sunday, February 13
Melancholy
Just finished reading Mistry's A Fine Balance and I don't know what to do with myself. The poverty and misery he documents is something so real, touching on the same sadness that pervades everytime I visit my family and friends in Pakistan. The communal hatred that is actively exacerbated by government fills me with this ridiculous rage .. makes me think I need to do something and that I actually can. My grandmother used to tell me about the year of partition with India, when both my parents' families crossed the border and were subject to some unimaginable horrors. She remembers hiding in a grain truck to cross the border, looking through cracks to see the burnt bodies of Muslim children being paraded about on stakes. My grandfather was a Brig in the army and often took military trucks to prevent mobs from burning families in their homes. This vicious history was repeated not too long ago when a train fire in Gujarat triggered inhumane violence among Hindus and Muslims in 2002. The state government declared that the train was attacked when later inquiry revealed that the fire started from within one of the coaches. The authorities were not only useless, but criminally negligent in stopping the violence. I don't think I'd flinch of those vile, corrupt men were on fire before me.
There are other sides. In Waga, a town that lies both in India and Pakistan and is about 15 miles away from Lahore, one of Pakistan's three largest cities and my hometown, Pakistani and Indian Rangers perform a ceremony to lower the national flags before sunset. Every evening they act out an elaborate display of anger, perfectly timed and coordinated: what the Pakistani soldiers are doing on our side is being replicated by the Indian soldiers on the other side of the painted white line. There are stadium style seats on either side where people come to watch the display, shouting slogans and things as if they were at a cricket match. There is a whole lot of stomping and slamming of the gates once the flags are lowered and it is all wonderfully orchestrated. If you happen to glance at the adjacent field, beyond the tent where invited guests are being served tea, you'll notice a heavily armed barbed wire fence for as far as your eye can see, betraying the reality of parody before you. I've seen this a few times as it is always a lot of fun to watch the crowds get riled up and it's an excuse to get out and enjoy a beautiful sunset and perhaps steal some breezes from the searing heat. The last time I went left me speechless. My cousins' grandfather was also a Brig in the army and had crossed the border a number of times with truckloads of families seeking asylum at that very point in 1947, when one country became two. He is extremely weak as a series of degenerative illnesses have wreaked havoc on his body. He insisted that he walk from the car on his own, his first return since his initial crossing. He watched the ceremony with as much salute as his body would allow and absolutely lost it when the Rangers lined up to salute him. I will dig up my pictures from this and post them at some point though I don't think I could ever do that moment justice. I think it is these experiences that prevent me from accepting my present tribulations as anything more than a joke. People overcome intense trials every single day, all over the world. That's what life is. That stark reality makes my life seem like such a joke. I bitch and moan all the time, but when it comes down to it everything around me is so artificial. I am grateful, but I can't help but remember that none of this is real. The real world is very far away.
Cheers for the recommendation igm. On to The Life of Pi.
There are other sides. In Waga, a town that lies both in India and Pakistan and is about 15 miles away from Lahore, one of Pakistan's three largest cities and my hometown, Pakistani and Indian Rangers perform a ceremony to lower the national flags before sunset. Every evening they act out an elaborate display of anger, perfectly timed and coordinated: what the Pakistani soldiers are doing on our side is being replicated by the Indian soldiers on the other side of the painted white line. There are stadium style seats on either side where people come to watch the display, shouting slogans and things as if they were at a cricket match. There is a whole lot of stomping and slamming of the gates once the flags are lowered and it is all wonderfully orchestrated. If you happen to glance at the adjacent field, beyond the tent where invited guests are being served tea, you'll notice a heavily armed barbed wire fence for as far as your eye can see, betraying the reality of parody before you. I've seen this a few times as it is always a lot of fun to watch the crowds get riled up and it's an excuse to get out and enjoy a beautiful sunset and perhaps steal some breezes from the searing heat. The last time I went left me speechless. My cousins' grandfather was also a Brig in the army and had crossed the border a number of times with truckloads of families seeking asylum at that very point in 1947, when one country became two. He is extremely weak as a series of degenerative illnesses have wreaked havoc on his body. He insisted that he walk from the car on his own, his first return since his initial crossing. He watched the ceremony with as much salute as his body would allow and absolutely lost it when the Rangers lined up to salute him. I will dig up my pictures from this and post them at some point though I don't think I could ever do that moment justice. I think it is these experiences that prevent me from accepting my present tribulations as anything more than a joke. People overcome intense trials every single day, all over the world. That's what life is. That stark reality makes my life seem like such a joke. I bitch and moan all the time, but when it comes down to it everything around me is so artificial. I am grateful, but I can't help but remember that none of this is real. The real world is very far away.
Cheers for the recommendation igm. On to The Life of Pi.
Wednesday, February 9
Step up
I've just had my arse handed to me on a plate. I tried my hand at Bikram Yoga and survived maybe 20 minutes. The room was heated to 110F and after my initial bout of enthusiasm I found that staying vertical was no longer an option. A dismal failure, but I couldn't bring myself to leave. Instead I lay down for a few minutes then got back up to try again and again my head said no and so back to the ground I went. I stopped being embarrassed about 45 minutes in as I just didn't have a choice, and I realized that I just didn't care what anyone else thought. That was a bit of a release, but still felt like a total wuss. Definitely not was I was expecting as I used to do Vinyasa power yoga in a heated room fairly regularly when I was at university and didn't think that this would be too different. That was in a room at about 80F which is manageable, tonight I just couldn't breathe. It didn't matter that I am running farther and faster than ever, and am becoming stronger than ever in the gym. In there I was a total loss. So now this is my challenge. I'm going to be so proud of myself if I can achieve here and really can't wait to go back. I will drink about 4 litres of water beforehand and bring another 10 with me. I spoke to the instructor on the way out and she said that there is no room for ego in this practice. Now, if you've read anything that I have written you're pretty well aware that my head is pretty far up my own bum. Arrogance is a familiar term and while I know it, I've come to accept it.. vicious circle I suppose. I'd say that is why I have been able to push myself on the treadmill: I always try to use one next to one of the regular runners and push myself to where she is; or outside of fitness, I am always looking for someone better than me who I can learn from. Stupid and petty probably but I wouldn't get anywhere otherwise. The kind of fitness I'd achieve through this would be pretty exciting. In all, at least I won't be bored.
Monday, February 7
Poetry
"From Glacier Point one sees a grand contorted display of the power of water and gravity - water the chisel and gravity the hammer, and the sculptor your notion of the originator of all things"
-William Least Heat-Moon in National Geographic, January 2005
Tuesday, February 1
French
What is it about Vincent Cassel that makes him so unbelievably attractive? The eyes? The hair? Maybe it's the French. I think it's this glint he carries sometimes.. just makes you (me) want to be in on whatever it is that's making him smirk. Of course there's no contest when it comes to the ape, who is in a different class altogether. But I certainly am enjoying the view.
Sunday, January 30
aahhh.. brisk!
What a fantastic weekend. I didn't do anything.. but my parents have been away for a few days and there is this fantastic sense of calm that has settled. No Ferdinand waking me up at 8am on Saturday, telling me to start my day, no mother asking me to go get her things. No one had me do a thing and it was fantastic. I've almost forgotten how it feels to live on my own. Then again, each time I got hungry I spent a good hour or two trying to think of what to eat and getting annoyed there was nothing ready for me in the fridge.. then trying to remember what I did when I was on my own.
Speaking of which, I'm starting to look at places in the city. Ape may be coming over in a year or so to further his pursuits of becoming an overqualified bum, but strong chance he may stay over in England for a few years in which case I'll be more than happy to join him and rent out whatever I may buy here. It's always exciting to plan for the future, and even moreso to actually get out and start looking at places that I may be calling home - all on my own. Little Jimmy is really heading off to camp, eh?
Right, well my meal is ready so I'm off. Enjoy the coming week!
Speaking of which, I'm starting to look at places in the city. Ape may be coming over in a year or so to further his pursuits of becoming an overqualified bum, but strong chance he may stay over in England for a few years in which case I'll be more than happy to join him and rent out whatever I may buy here. It's always exciting to plan for the future, and even moreso to actually get out and start looking at places that I may be calling home - all on my own. Little Jimmy is really heading off to camp, eh?
Right, well my meal is ready so I'm off. Enjoy the coming week!
Tuesday, January 25
Legal Torture ?
I heard a compelling argument as to why the Geneva Conventions do not apply to al Qa'ida detainees. Nevermind the fact that I think the context of this argument is ludicrous - the 'War on Terror' is the biggest yellow submarine or whatever the metaphor is, and al Qa'ida is an idea - how do missiles work to defeat an idea? Anyhow, I heard it and it made sense. Have a listen and tell me what you think. I think the most definitive measure of greatness is noted in how a nation, or a person, treats its worst enemy. In my opinion, the hideous nature of Guantanamo Bay reveals the lack of development and civilisation that this nation claims as its hallmark. That, and the dire state of public transport. The argument put forth by John Yoo was difficult to poke through. Obviously I don't want to agree with him but I think the next step here is to reread the Conventions and see what I come up with.
Monday, January 24
a day in the life of..
I won't mention that my commute took two hours in the morning and three in the evening when it normally takes under an hour, door to door. I won't mention the outright bitterness I feel towards NJ Transit and Amtrak. Apparently, Amtrak has decided to limit the trains going into NY Penn Station and has rerouted them to Hoboken. This isn't a huge problem for me personally, but even the most basic observation of Hoboken Station immediately reveals that it is not equipped to handle the kind of traffic that Penn sees. The result was an absolutely mad mob scene with rude fucks bulldozing their way through a tightly packed crowd. Next time this happens I'm going to stick my foot out and start tripping some of these self aggrandized suburbanites, bring them back to reality. Forget the fact that the station is outdoor and it is beyond freezing today. Actually don't forget that - my toes were so cold I thought they were going to break off. I wouldn't have felt it if they did. No I won't mention any of this because I'm grateful that I'm home safely, and my house is nice and cozy and my feet are finally dry and warm.
So that was that. I wonder where this guy has gone. I hope everything is okay. Maybe this is a result of budget cuts in order to finance the Lotus. Come back!
Allright, friends. I need to eat some food and watch some newly downloaded episodes of Scrubs. Stay warm.
So that was that. I wonder where this guy has gone. I hope everything is okay. Maybe this is a result of budget cuts in order to finance the Lotus. Come back!
Allright, friends. I need to eat some food and watch some newly downloaded episodes of Scrubs. Stay warm.
Sunday, January 23
rebooting
This is pretty bad, I need to step up my writing. I have been reading some fantastic blogs where the writing is just leagues from where I am. I'm sick of stating the obvious, or maybe stating things so obviously. It's dumb. I know this kind of stuff doesn't come from trying and I will feel even more self-conscious if I try. I am also sick of whining. I'm sick of a lot of things. This negativity is taking its toll on me, as it always does. In its own subtle, malicious ways: the blemish on my chin, my inability to be active and of course, the unfinished paintings that are sitting in the corner of my room. I'm also getting collection notices from my local library where I kept a book out for a month past its due date, and while I've finally returned the book I owe them $40. I haven't even finished the book. Bah.
So for the first time in weeks I feel rested. I know I write about sleep a lot but it's something that I hold very dear. There are few things in life that can make me feel as good as a good sleep, barring the obvious, of course. By that I mean chocolate.
Anyhow, I'm once again turning the page. I've once again bought a little journal to document what I eat so I can stop 'forgetting' and just stop. I'm once again unconditionally committing myself to the gym and going to study Arabic again. I'm pretty happy with work as it is still something new and a challenge, and I'm gaining a bit of confidence. Can't go wrong with that. Will write more, you'll bear with the crap that comes forth and be rewarded for your patience with a few unpolished gems along the way. That's just where I am now. As long as I get better, I'm okay with that. Happy New Year.
So for the first time in weeks I feel rested. I know I write about sleep a lot but it's something that I hold very dear. There are few things in life that can make me feel as good as a good sleep, barring the obvious, of course. By that I mean chocolate.
Anyhow, I'm once again turning the page. I've once again bought a little journal to document what I eat so I can stop 'forgetting' and just stop. I'm once again unconditionally committing myself to the gym and going to study Arabic again. I'm pretty happy with work as it is still something new and a challenge, and I'm gaining a bit of confidence. Can't go wrong with that. Will write more, you'll bear with the crap that comes forth and be rewarded for your patience with a few unpolished gems along the way. That's just where I am now. As long as I get better, I'm okay with that. Happy New Year.
Thursday, January 20
In all seriousness
'What does WA stand for?'
'Washington.'
'What's a city there?'
'Seattle.'
'Why am I not finding any of our offices there?'
'We don't have any offices there.'
'No, we have offices in Washington, I know that for a fact.'
'Do you mean Washington DC?'
'Yea, what state is that in?'
'It's not in a state, it's on its own. Just enter the city and leave the state blank, you'll get the numbers.'
'Oh, right here it is.'
'Aren't you looking for a contact for a client in Washington State?'
'Yea, Washington.'
'Do you mean Washington DC or Washington State?'
'They're the same thing.'
'Washington.'
'What's a city there?'
'Seattle.'
'Why am I not finding any of our offices there?'
'We don't have any offices there.'
'No, we have offices in Washington, I know that for a fact.'
'Do you mean Washington DC?'
'Yea, what state is that in?'
'It's not in a state, it's on its own. Just enter the city and leave the state blank, you'll get the numbers.'
'Oh, right here it is.'
'Aren't you looking for a contact for a client in Washington State?'
'Yea, Washington.'
'Do you mean Washington DC or Washington State?'
'They're the same thing.'
Wednesday, January 12
and so it goes
They knew this before they shocked and awed. Shameless. Farce.
I got on the wrong train today. They posted track 3 and that's where I went. I didn't hear the change in track being announced as I had my headphones on and was settled in my seat as the conductor checked my ticket. I didn't concede the error until about half an hour later when I realized I was about 10 miles north of where I should have been. I phoned Ferdinand to come get me, and he was less than impressed.
My uncle is the president of one of our global businesses. When I applied and interviewed for this job, I didn't tell him what I was doing. I only informed him when I had been hired, and of course he was delighted. I have every intention to use his helpful nod when I move forward, but for now I need to learn. This is all well and good except he came into my office today for some meetings and made it a point to come and say hello to me. Now, the people who were too arrogant to introduce themselves slow and smile as they come by my door, and the ones I work with give me that knowing smile that explains to them how someone so 'challenged' can come to be one of their equals.
"You are a classic beauty, the kind artists seek. I like the trashy look, you don't have that"
That is why the ape is the ape.
I got on the wrong train today. They posted track 3 and that's where I went. I didn't hear the change in track being announced as I had my headphones on and was settled in my seat as the conductor checked my ticket. I didn't concede the error until about half an hour later when I realized I was about 10 miles north of where I should have been. I phoned Ferdinand to come get me, and he was less than impressed.
My uncle is the president of one of our global businesses. When I applied and interviewed for this job, I didn't tell him what I was doing. I only informed him when I had been hired, and of course he was delighted. I have every intention to use his helpful nod when I move forward, but for now I need to learn. This is all well and good except he came into my office today for some meetings and made it a point to come and say hello to me. Now, the people who were too arrogant to introduce themselves slow and smile as they come by my door, and the ones I work with give me that knowing smile that explains to them how someone so 'challenged' can come to be one of their equals.
"You are a classic beauty, the kind artists seek. I like the trashy look, you don't have that"
That is why the ape is the ape.
Wednesday, January 5
Now Billy
Okay I've been perusing some of your blogs and the activity there is slower than molasses on a winter day. What's the story people? New year has begun, the holidays are over. Where are you all hiding? Get this - the days aren't shorter, it just gets dark early. That doesn't mean the day is over. It just means you switch on a light. Just because I don't have anything interesting to say doesn't mean you have an excuse. Come on, chop chop.
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