Mango Acai Berry Green Tea

Good news everyone! Still alive and kicking. Is anyone out there? Hello? No? Okay, well that is allright I suppose. We all move onwards and upwards at some point in our lives. I have not yet had the good fortune of crossing said point but am comforted by the prospect. One of the coolest things I discovered in my house is this Apple Airport Express, it plugs into an outlet and relays my itunes playlist to a stereo. Endless entertainment. Despite having lived in this country for over twenty years, my father has a difficult time understanding myself and my siblings when we speak in our yankypranky accents. I often have to repeat what my seventeen year old sister says to him not in a different language but with an accent so he understands the english words. The comedy in this situation is in the fact that he understands ebonics better than anyone I know. One evening I was watching 'Malibu's Most Wanted' and my sister and I were trying to figure out what the main character said in one phrase only to be silenced by our father's explanation. He also understands what rappers say, no matter how fast they speak. This is a phenomenon that I will expand upon later. If only I was comfortable enough to post a picture of my father online you could appreciate the humor in its entirety.

I have watched three good friends get married this summer. Very odd to think my contemporaries are at this point but I might as well go along with it. Very interesting dynamics at all three weddings. The first consisted of about 20 people in a house on a rainy afternoon in Long Island. The second enormous and beautiful and high profile in Indiana. The third threatened by Ernesto in her back garden in Delaware. I learned a great deal about people I know and realized that not enough can be said about the idea and ideal of love.

On that note, tea is finished, I will write.

White Power

So here we are and Israel has the right to defend itself. I don't know what to do. I have been travelling and have only been able to follow it on the news and what I hear this morning is:
"A rocket fired into Lebanon hit an apartment building but remarkably, there was only one casualty."

You sick bastards, one life lost is a victory to you? That life had parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, children. I hate the American media with a passion and if they ever grew a conscience and offered a semblance of honesty, that will be a beautiful day for this country. As long as they continue to be their simplistic, fear mongering selves they will continue to be utterly useless and detrimental members of society. Drug dealers are a greater benefit to our social structure than the US media. FOX and CNN in particular.

More to come, hopefully in less than four months.

peace please

Hello,

I'm still around. Been running like a madwoman, a lot fitter and work is totally different. No longer dealing with untrained monkeys, rather, they're in pre-school now. Planning a September wedding and trying to make room on my hard drive for the new Scrubs episodes. Wonder if any of the old cronies are still around, might take a bit of a stroll around the neighborhood to see who's kicking and who's peaced out. That's it for now, I'll try to keep this a bit more regular but that is unlikely given the beautiful weather that is soon to be upon us.

ar

A post in November

But wait! There is more!
Hope you all have been well and happy and fulfilled these past weeks. Hopefully you are still around to even read this. There have been a whole lot of little things keeping me too busy to write. The break has been okay, I haven't really missed this at all. I guess when I am happy and making progress I don't have much time to moan. I mean happy in the progressive sense. I still am in a job I am embarrassingly overqualified for but I am making more money and have transferred to an office where the people are a lot more normal. Normal in the sense that they are not idiots. Still hate the job, though. I have been working a lot more and working out a lot and am getting into some mean shape. In addition, I did some travelling trying to cope with the earthquake last month.. or more like trying to help people cope with the earthquake. That has taken quite a toll and while I would love to share pictures of tenths of families, I was too ashamed to take them. The disaster and the ensuing chain-reaction of disasters are not for display, not for me to document and speak about as if I know what it means to lose everything. All I know is the feeling of helplessness and emptiness that resulted from the knowledge that I would get onto an airplane and return to a world that belongs to an entirely different reality. No images or arrangement of letters could possibly relay this sensation.

Outside of that, there is not much to report. Not that that is worth reporting, but here it is. Trying to organize the rest of my life.. or the next ten years anyway, has kept my mind occupied. Ape is well and his usual unemployed self but that is looking to change early next year. Hopefully there will be an apple-ape engagement and wedding next year but do not want to tempt fate. Just want to get out of this rut and move onto the next phase.

I also thought you should know that this winter I will be sporting a cream white cashmere hat with a red apple on the side.

out

Okay so I have had a few blog ideas these past weeks but just didn't write. There you go. I have had a few friends in town from Sydney and they have been keeping me well busy and I am now sick from lack of sleep and the changing weather. Well they are all living in London now and came over for a birthday celebration (not mine). I don't know why I agreed to go clubbing as I think it is quite possibly the most useless exercise there is, but I did and ducked out at a respectable 4am, came home slept 3 hours and was awakened by my father to go play golf. I really don't understand why anyone would go to a club, aside from the obvious. I mean I can see if you are a dirty greasy guy, that's where you go to try to grab a bit of girl. If you are a skin-and-bones girl who looks better with her mouth closed, that's where you go to get grabbed and look apalled. The whole spectacle is kind of amusing. People standing on lines that wrap around city blocks for the off-chance they may be admitted to the dimly lit rooms with thumping walls to strut around and try hard to look like they're not trying hard. Come on. Yours truly, of course, strutted straight through via the elusive guest list and went and sat in a corner and just watched. Upon first glance, everyone is gorgeous, fit and rich. Closer observation reveals the fear of being uncovered. I am judgemental. Deal with it. I can't count how many times I was asked, 'What is wrong?' Leave me the fuck alone, I am so thoroughly entertained.

I am so socially retarded it is unbelievable. I met some lovely people that night and couldn't think of anything to say without sounding like a total idiot. My sense of humor clearly is not for everyone and I need to work on it. This one room at one of the lounges that was bathed in the light of our presence was full of East Asians.
One of our crew comes back to report: "It is chock full of Asians and a few black guys in the corner", to which I respond: "There are always a few black guys in the corner."
There was a pause and a polite chuckle. I was too busy revelling in my own wit, as I often am. I need to get out more, but when I do, I come home disgusted. There are not many interesting and intelligent people about. There are quite a few interestings ones, and quite a few intelligent ones; but the combination is rare. So why bother?

I had more to say but my tum is grumbling. Blogging will be more regular henceforth. Kind of.

Oh, Greg Brady was eating at the table next to us. See, I can be trendy.

Goals

I just entered into a 5K race because I need a reality check. The race is in one month and I used to run 10 miles in under 90 minutes so this is not unattainable, even for a chub like me. The thing is, I have to be dignified when I do it because I'm sure to see people from my tormented childhood and I have to be better than them. Childish, small-minded, but as long as it motivates my arse to get into shape I don't care how immature I am being. I'll have a not-so-soft arse and that will be that. So, C, I'll get your bloody book and maybe do it while being able to hear my heart explode within my very ears. Happy?

In other news, I have still not found a job that I want .. or more likely, the job that wants the apple has not yet found me. I had a chat with an old friend I met during one of the coolest internships anyone can ask for, and he told me to .. shit I don't remember what he said. I think it was something about getting in everyone's face, which is kind of what I have been doing - harassing everyone I know but they all think I'm a joker. I mean, who pisses off to Australia for a year to do a useless degree? That's what they are asking me and I don't have the response timed quite right. Speaking of useless, nothing I am trained in is good for anything. I should have been one of those business students I used to snicker at. They're doing what I want to do and I'm sitting here with my face pressed up against the window. Except they're much stupider and smarter than I all at the same time. Practical has only recently entered my vocabulary and has a direct correlation to my increasing levels of grumpiness. The more often I incorporate it in my thoughts, the grumpier I am. Since when is it not okay to take a trip to 'find myself'? I didn't use the cookie cutter program and now they're punishing me. Stupid bastards, I resent the world they live in yet I want to join it. No room for me, I don't think. Not sure quite where to turn. All I know is that if I stay where I am past December, I may never quite recover from this nightmare.

This great nation..

I know you lot have been waiting with baited breath for my commentary on Katrina. Here it is. Disorganised, but so am I.

The people who could leave and didn't absolutely deserve the hell they are in right now, they are risking others' lives because of their stupidity. Those who couldn't leave are another story. The inaction and bungled action taken by authorities on all levels is just ridiculous. If you don't think they had enough notice, listen to this clip. It was obvious.

Bush's first glimpse was from his airplane (not helicopter) and I cannot think of a better metaphor to illustrate his level of concern. Then he has the nerve to ask people to donate money. What the hell? This country is so proud of its wealth and power yet at this crisis, this shameless president is asking us to donate? Fuck that, I didn't tell them to squader billions in Iraq. I didn't tell them to give billions to Israel. Should have thought about home first, don't you think? Donate my ass.

The most interesting aspect, to me, is how capitalism is at play on all levels. Wal-Mart and Sam's club managed to deliver 2400 trailer loads of supplies - water, food, ice within days. The first 170 arriving the very next day. The very corporations that are the subject of widespread of criticism for their raison d'etre. On the other end of the spectrum, there were the painful scenes of tens of thousands being forced to live like animals, the rapid decline into gang warfare and anarchy. That, my friends, are the foundations of this great nation. How great it is to be an independent and free nation. Freedom from taxes, freedom from community responsibility. It is the norm to try to evade minimal taxes and then turn around and expect the government to provide everything. The only sense of responsibility is towards oneself, to take care of the here and now and let everyone else take care of himself.

End of the day, my friends, you can understand a society by observing how it treats its weakest members. For a week we watched as tens of thousands of poor, black Americans suffered, slept, lived in their own waste. One week. This is the wealthiest nation in the world with a GDP of $11.4 Trillion in 2004. Per Capita Income of over $40K. This is the system we want to distribute to the rest of the world? We have been advertising the life we live here, but who would want this? Is this risk worth it? When crisis hits, why would anyone want a government inept and incapbale of responding? Isn't managing crisis a fundamental responsibility of leadership? This is the same democracy that protects your freedom to wear halter tops and mini skirts with thongs hanging out and to carry guns. We are so free that the government just doesn't care.

So Blogger has made a few upgrades, eh? Retard-proofing. Though blogging never quite had an intelligence pre-requisite to begin with. It is accessible to you even if you are illiterate. I don't know why I think I'm above fads. I hate those freaking yellow wristbands. Great, you made a $5 donation. Congrats. Now you get to wear a bright yellow wristband like an asylum escapee. I know, I know - it is all for the children.

Belize was cool. I got to go diving and things in the Blue Hole which is so blue you just won't believe it. I'm telling you, the colour simply doesn't exist. Also went tubing through some caves, which scared the crap out of me because it was pitch black and I have this inconquerable phobia of dark water. I can't even sit in a car at the beach at night. Not that I do those sorts of things, but you know, the idea doesn't sit with me.. sitting in a car staring at the ocean at night. It is just freaky. Ocean during the day is enough to send chills up my spine. You just don't know what's there. Well the really scary part is that you have a fairly good idea of what's there and it's ugly and with big teeth. You can imagine my favourite part of the trip was kayaking out at night and snorkelling around. Fuck that, never again.

The bastards at Houston International insisted that I take my film out of the XRay proof bag and that my film would not get ruined by the machines despite the warnings posted on every inch of wall space. I insisted that he check my film and camera manually. He insisted more, and with a badge. My name is distinctly Arab. I put it on the belt and lost about eight of my sixteen rolls. But here are some of the survivors, no particular order... just pictures. I'll post them with stories if I can be arsed later on.

Mayan ruins in Tikal, Guatemala. This rainforest has had about 700 years to cover a spread of yet to be excavated temples and palaces.

spider monkey

Elderly Mayan couple minutes before said

monkey unleashes some monkey rain.

Okay fast forward a 2 hour bus ride and a 45 min water taxi to an island 650m across.













Sunrise on Caye Caulker, Belize. ... And sunset (kind of).













Nothing like a fast-approaching tropical storm to set the mood for a day of diving. First time in my life I could make out streams of rain in the distance. Do you see it? It's called 'white rain'. We were able to enjoy some lovely sun during our time on the water, but were caught on the way back in. Visibility is reduced to about 6 metres.. the contrast of the grey-white rain and fog and the bright turquoise water is indescribable. Nevermind the loss of direction, were joined by a lovely family of wild dolphins. Idiot Aussies had to make their mark: "Feed them some sardines!"

More to come later on.

Okay this formatting worked when I was on the idiot-proof page. I'm blaming blogger. Good luck.

All in a day

Today, I saw Tiger Woods play golf. It is another game, he is a genius and I love him. Properly love him. If, after watching this in motion, it is not love, I do not know what is.

Unbelievable.

Tomorrow, I leave for Belize for just shy of two weeks. Anticipate coming back bronze, rested and happy. Happy being the key word. Hopefully will have lots of quality pictures to share on my return. Keep well!

More Tiger



and the 18th hole.


(click on the images to get up close and personal)

A quick one in the morning

I missed my train and hell if I'm standing in this outdoor sauna for a second longer than I have to. Another day of frizzy, stinky and sticky Manhattan blocks. Not a problem. Job prospects are interesting but I have to be smart and not get stuck in shit again. My connections are turning out to know less than I do about where the 'best' place to be is, and instead are trying to woo me to marketing. Marketing my ass. Though who better to know what people want and need than the apple? No one, I say. Time to step it up a notch and market the apple. Hopefully I'll double my salary, get a place on the waterfront and a dolphin grey S4. Then my life will be perfect.

The thing about this blog is, that I never really got what I wanted out of it. You may say that I can only expect to get out what I put in, but that's kaak. Okay, maybe you have a point. I think it may be my relationship that may be killing me. How do you cope when you know the best thing in your life is going to be the demise of all that is you? How melodramatic. You all have been silent on the mating part of your lives, and I wonder if there's something to that. There's always a chance he'll stumble upon this and that will be the end of me. But then, if he hasn't already, who's to say he will? Maybe subconsciously, I want him to read this because I can't say what I need to and sometimes even want to. Can't bring myself to do it directly so instead, like a coward, I write this blog as an answer to my problems. Onwards and upwards, I say.

update

So I'm on the hunt for a new job. For something that's going to require blood and sweat and that's going to reward me very handsomely. I don't care anymore about the ideals of justice.. it's a bunch of crap. There is no such thing. Ultimately, all there is to settle, have a few babies, raise them to be the best human beings possible by teaching them the very ideals that have become almost laughable in my late age of 23. Then they'll become disillusioned and start the cycle over again. Forget justice, there is no such thing. There are and will always be 9 year old kids working in sweatshops. There are and will always be 9 year old girls and boys being traded like animals for sex. The filthy rich leaders driving Maybachs down dusty streets lined with beggars who, when they were children, were kidnapped and intentionally disfigured to invoke pity. The shrinking middle class trying to cope with the shrinking flow of cash. The fake boobs and premature balding Jones living next door. No, there's no such thing. The withering old bloke breaking his back in 40C heat will die on a straw mat while I drive by in an air conditioned car, to an air conditioned home and strive to maintain ultimate control over my climate. That's all there is. Justice is nowhere to be seen in this bubble.

Smells like goat

Where to begin. Ape and I have been having it a bit rough. No not having it, but at it. My mother is very bad for my health. I know this is the typical time for me to resent her, I'll love her when I'm older blah .. but every influence she's had on me has been negative and there really isn't much of a bias in that conclusion. Be that as it may, I can't just walk away.. some bizarre sense of duty and loyalty keeps me here begging for more abuse. Ape, being the heavy foreheaded creature that he is, is having none of it and wants me out now. Thing is Ferdinand is a gem, and although I wish he defended me against my mother, his intentions have been genuine. So I need to ship out and I have no idea how I'll orchestrate that. Picking up and moving to the UK isn't quite an option just yet, and even moving out is going to throw future financial plans into a tizzy. Renting a shoebox in Manhattan for $2600 is just not an option. Well it is but not worth considering. Rather pay a mortgage.. but I digress. Point is, Ape and I should be allright but I have to be stronger towards my mother for my own good. Now how to do that I don't know.

Completely different note, summer is shaping up quite nicely. Amazing how nice it is not to be a lazy sloth once in awhile. Spent the weekend in the city with good friends.. there really is no substitute. I go MiA for months at a time, can't be arsed to contact anyone but they still come to drag me out of the woodwork and we stay up until morning being aimless and chatting. And then when I want to sleep, they sit and play Wish You Were Here. That's love.

My anti social behaviour weeds out the chinks in the chain, can't tell you how many people have dismissed me out for not returning emails and not phoning them when they were abroad in New Zealand. Good riddance, I say. I'm not one for formalities, I don't ask how things are going unless I am genuinely interested. What is it about doing something for the sake of doing it? You can see that logic applying to skydiving, but friendship isn't for the sake of friendship. It's the connection that keeps us coming back to each other. What did Aristotle say about a man who is good for the sake of good? I don't remember, freshman Humanities was a long time ago. Feel free to enlighten me. Hopefully it follows my point. It just is, and when it is, it's beautiful.

Met these two when I was working in Islamabad. They made me laugh there and make me laugh now. Yasmine, complete with stunning blue eyes, is just like me only better looking. She's staying in Manhattan with her brother for the summer.. doing a Master's in Architecture and Urban Planning. When I was five years old I wanted to be an architect and I have no idea why I never did it. But I can live vicariously through her. Milton is just brilliant. He talks and talks and talks and talks and you just have to stop responding for him to shut up. The most astute, generous, charming and sincere person you'll ever meet, with an adorable baby face to boot. He's been married for two years though I have not yet met his wife. He was married shortly after I left Isloo, and then they both came to Boston and froze their arses off. She went to do her medical residency in the sticks of Illinois, and he, after completing his Master's in Public Health from none other than Harvard on a Presidential Scholarshp, is now consulting in a field completely unrelated. I have to brag about them because they're fantastic people and I miss Milton now that he's returned to this rented bedroom in Brighton. I see Yasmine almost everyday for lunch in the park. This was a meandering post, but so grateful for the amazing people in my life. What a cheese.

Wacko

So Wacko is off the hook. Might as well be. I haven't followed it, don't particularly care. Don't really know what the story is but I guess one never does. I must say, though that I've caught a glimpse of the enigma that is wacko jacko in none other than the beatiful City of Exeter. Is Exeter a city or a town? Anyhow, I glanced over at a passing limo with the rear window cracked only to find a video camera looking back at me and upon closer inspection, I saw non other than that famous ashen face with the unnatural nose. I knew he was in town doing something or other with Uri Geller, but never expected to see him. Only problem is that he has me on tape in a place I have never officially visited. I was in Spain for that summer, supposedly. In fact, I snuck over to the British Isles for some quality time with the ape unbeknownst to my trusting parents. And none other than wacko is in possession of the tape that can ruin my good name.

Summer is such a brilliant time of year. I always extol the distinct various seasons we experience here: bitter cold winters, blooming springtime, searing summers and lovely autumn colours. That said, summertime is where it's at. Of course I'll moan about the 87% humidity and not feel comfortable even after I've showered twice a day but there is this feeling of revival and life when walking in the heat of the sun. There is no substitute for summer evenings, hands down the happiest moments of my life. I remember my last days at university when the magnificent Mira and I sat on the roof of my brownstone and discussed the meaning of life and what to have for dinner. That soothing blue glow that settles as the sun does, cooling the air and calming the nerves. In Sydney, I'd sit on my little balcony with the handomest Staffie you've ever seen resting his head on my toes while I read Tony Hawks' Playing the Moldovans at Tennis. I've decided I'm going to be spending June through September in the Northern Hemisphere and the rest of the time way down south. There is nothing like a Southern Hemisphere summer. I was made for the tropics, there is something so invigorating in the rich colours that come alive in the sunlight and the warmth of the evenings that is lost in the deciduous forests of the North East. Anyhow, I'm in a rare mood, hopefully this sticks.

golf therapy

You just have to swing it. Stop thinking about it, you don't need to guide it. All you need to do is be aware of the weight shift from your right to your left, let everything else be loose. Everything else will follow. Okay, now what went wrong there was that you held on too long. You tried to hit it. Now just let it go, don't focus on it, all that matters is the next ball. When Tiger hits it in the woods, he doesn't get upset, he just thinks about his next shot and that's how he gets onto the green. Now get yourself out of the woods, all you need is one shot.

That's all there is to it. See, if I tell you to picture a lemon and then I tell you to forget about it, there is no way you're going to get the lemon out of your head. The second you think about something else is when you'll forget. I want you to think of lemons when you're trying to hit this ball. It's not about hitting the perfect shot. Well it is, but you can't be obsessed with the perfect shot. It's better for your game if you focus on minimizing your mistakes. But then again, you can't be focusing on your mistakes. It's not so technical. When you finish today and I ask you how you did, you're going to tell me everything you did wrong. I can't wait for the day you tell me about the great shots, the errors you were able to correct with the next shot.

Now, just get into a routine. Take two practice swings everytime, feel the shift. Forget about your arms and your hands, they'll get to where they need to be. Just swing it. Right to left. Once you establish the consistency of a routine you can't go wrong. Just swing it.

Now see, what a beauty! Why do you look so surprised?

That's not surprise, that's shock.

Yeh, that's the beauty of it. After 50 years, I still get surprised.

I'll get bored without the surprise.

The Emperor's New Clothes

Excuse me, Netflix, but since when is Pulp Fiction an independent film? Quentin Tarantino is the most overrated director around. His movies are like the emperor's new clothes. There is nothing there but a whole lot of yelling, guns and Uma Thurman in spandex. Yet he has a following, these overt theater types who see meaning in the crap he spews forth, as if he actually has a message behind the anime and swordfights. He is a quack, get on with it. What is wrong with these smelly hippies thinking they're above and beyond normality, everything they do has to be from far left otherwise its not authentic. Freaking hippies.

summertime

This is promising to be a fantastic summer, with the right doses of laziness and laughs. Hanna is going to be in the city for the entire summer starting next week, living with her ever so handsome brother and it will be great. Hanna is my fabulous friend I met working in Islamabad for a summer, she's currently doing her master's in architecture and is brilliant, funny and ditzy all at once. Mostly, she's just honest. Mira is going to be coming down on the weekends, and we're going to go to Cape Cod for at least one weekend. I've been living in a social desert for the past few months, peppered with spurts of debauchery. Not the evil kind, purely innocent but fun nights out and they are so refreshing. I'm tired of being tired from work and have stopped being a lazy three-toed sloth and it's so refreshing. It is my first summer that it's not a holiday summer - summer doesn't mean anything to these corporate types except that it's light later and that means we should work mote because it doesn't seem as late at 7pm. Not me, though. I'm leaving in a few months and moving on to something that requires more than a dumb monkey. I really honestly don't understand the ego that brokers carry around with them - their job is shit. It's a lot of money for shit, but really you can make a lot of money doing something even a little bit more interesting. I'd take a huge paycut to do something that was mentally engaging.. any ideas? I really honestly do enjoy economics, numbers and logic. But then the hours of a research analyst are often ridiculous and lest you forget, I'm lazy. I also don't want to wear a suit to work which may end up being a decisive factor.
Anyhow, my point was that summertime is here and it's going to be awesome. Lots of parties and things going on and time to return from my sabbatical.

A 'deep' one

There have been a few sudden deaths in the recent weeks. Well more than a few, I imagine, but I'm talking about the people in my life. Completely unexpected endings -- brain cancer, car accident, and simply not waking up. Now if I explained who these people were, it doesn't do justice to my relationship with any of them. Who I consider 'family' is not necessarily related by blood and while I wasn't directly related to these people, they are deeply missed. Mira's aunt was diagnosed with brain cancer a few weeks back. She went to the doctor because she was having bizarre episodes of memory loss and was told that the cancer had progressed too far to do anything and she would have 72 hours at most. Well, after few steroid treatments and three weeks of watching her painful deterioration, she passed. During those weeks, she lapsed into coma-like states to waken and talk about meeting with relatives who had already died and who 'weren't letting her come'. Then she spent days crying, begging everyone for forgiveness, for not being a good mother, wife, daughter, sister. Finally at peace, surrounded by prayers and love, she left. I have never imagined coming to terms with my own mortality in such a tangible way. What a brave, powerful woman. Salaam khala.

I don't have the courage to think of what I'll say to my Creator when he asks me about my choices. There is so much I could have done and didn't, so much I shouldn't have done and did. When it comes down to it, my everyday decisions define my life in the larger sense. Whether I wake up to pray or sleep the extra forty minutes; whether I appreciate what I have or moan about nonsense. There's nothing to say that tomorrow won't be the last and I am absolutely not ready for that. I know you can never be totally ready for death, but I want to be at peace with what I've done, how I've dealt with whomever I've met. If I did myself justice, I suppose. That certainly isn't the case. I've made a few resolutions on here, I know, but I suppose that's the point of the blog. What a stupid word - blog. If it was called anything else I may have a bit more respect for it. This isn't about a newfound fear or something, it's more along the lines of thinking independently, not worried about what others think while respecting their boundaries. It's about keeping a sense of the world around me and maintaining myself within it. Something about leaving a place better than when I found it.

This is all a bit heavy, and probably a little melodramatic. But really, any day could be the last and then what?

Hookey

I played hookey from work today, because quite frankly, my job sucks. The reason was 'inflammation in my gums', which isn't entirely untrue but pretty good, I thought.

So on my fabulous day off, I had a lie in and then played a round at my local golf course which isn't really a proper course but moreso a large pitch and putt with the longest hole topping off at around 170 yards. It is a beautiful, immaculately maintained short course open to residents of my uppity municipality. At midday there are about 5 or 6 people slashing and slicing, retirees and the like. I find it interesting how diverse golf is becoming, aside from prodigies like Tiger Woods and Vijay Singh, its average particpants are largely older white guys who have enough money to fork over excesses of 5-6m annual club memberships and 100 per round. Not to mention the background and connections necessary to get into the club in the first place. Anyhow, it is pretty cool to see different people around and as arrogant as that comment is, I have to say it. I mean hell, I'm 'different' but there were never any real restrictions on my playing golf aside from admission to the major private clubs in my vicinity, something I'm not missing at all as I have plenty of semi-private and public clubs to slash and slice in. My point is, its more accessible and the class divide is less obvious. If you want to play, you can and if you are good enough, you'll get noticed. I wonder where the next Tiger or Vijay will come from.

I also had time to do a bit of browsing online, catching up on reading. In the past few months I've lost interest in the news. The headlines are a joke in themselves. Whatever the story might be, whatever interest I may have had in it is completely washed by the stereotypical, aggressive and simplistic tone of the headline. I mean something like Iraqi Insurgents go on Rampage, Kill 69 is such a stupid thing to print. A basic degree of common sense will force me to tell you that I doubt they are not all Iraqis and, unfortunately for your simplistic mind, my friend, they didn't go on a 'rampage' like drunken elephants. Okay that wasn't on a new source I regularly read, but still, I see that on the backs of newspapers on my train ride home and just swallow the hard knowledge that the reader of that paper believes that when Iraqi's, or anyone who isn't 'us' defends themselves it is actually a rampage.

The other day I read in the BBC about trains in Iran having female-only cars and permitting women in the other cars only if they were accompanied by a male relative. On the same day, from the same webpage I read about female-only traincars in Japan because of rising incidents of groping on the crowded trains. In Japan, this change is lauded as a stride towards women's rights, preventing them from enduring discomfort on their daily commute; while in Iran, it is a restrictive practice further evidencing the dire state of women in Islamic socities.

That isn't my real issue with the media though. Well I suppose part of it is - the popular media is a joke and should be forbidden from reducing complex issues to a simplistic one-sided view. Screw freedom of speech, if you're a moron you don't deserve to speak. My real issue is that this is how things are. Nuclear tests. Darfur. Burundi. Guantanamo. Iraq. Palestine. Famine. Poverty. This isn't how things have to be but instead how they are. What's the point of burying myself in it when it is just going to continue, business as usual. Analysing it, discovering truth under truth isn't going to change the fact that injustice prevails more often than justice. The way that things are isn't going to change, Americans are both too dumb and too powerful to make a change and the rest of the world has its own shit to worry about. We want to drive our cheap plastic Hummers and Ford Explorers because we can, and we refuse to pay the $10 a gallon the rest of the world pays for gas because, well, why should we? So why bother thinking about it and creating my own personal hell by obsessing over the children killed in Rwanda or the families destroyed by the Janjaweed in Sudan?

My disgust comes down to everday people. The ones who think it's okay to interrupt someone else in mid-sentence; that it's okay to push someone aside to be able to carry on down their path; that it's okay to push past someone through a door; that it's okay to blow smoke in someone's face; that it's okay to throw rubbish wherever it may fall. These behaviours stem from a deep malfunction in basic human decency. They extend much farther beyond this but these are everyday symptoms. And then there are the women with two rodent-like dogs in matching Hermes collars, with their $7m handbags strutting around Park Avenue moaning about the pollen in the air. Look at the flowers you cow. Where do these people come from? What in your mind justifies such arrogance? Don't get me wrong, I love handbags and shoes and things, and I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford them but also smart enough to know that I don't need them which, ironically, is the biggest fortune of all. I don't know what it is that is frustrating me, this may be coming from something not right with me. Why don't I love this as much as the people around me do?

And how have you been?

Well, must say I am warmed by your welcome back. Not warm enough to have anything useful to say. My job has become just short of unbearable and I'll be over the edge any day now. I have to stick around until the end of the year before I move onto something more engaging because if I leave now, I will look like a flight risk to my next potential employer. I am still one-quarter way through The Life of Pi as I am one slow reader. Still loving it and still wanting to get through it. My want of sleep still wins over my curiosity. It is already May, can you believe it? I can't. I'm still on the whole, the year has just begun roll and thus have not made any great strides towards anything. Summertime is upon us and my chub still needs to budge. I have bought a new set of beautiful golf clubs and I expect many late summer evenings at my local course perfecting my transformation into a large cat. This is so bloody boring. I'll write soon, peace out.

Zsuuu Zsuuuuuu

Hello, friends. Are you still awake? Well, this past month has been thoroughly enjoyable for me at least. Spring has arrived and the tree limbs are no longer barren, there is sunlight streaming through the windows until 7 in evening, the azalea buds are on the verge of explosion. And the bloody squirrels are eating my petunias.

My lovely and dearest ape came for a fleeting visit, spent most of it harping and moaning on how much America sucks and the rest of the time golfing. When I returned from Sydney, it was a bit of culture shock for me and it has been an overload for him. Actually it was thoroughly an overload for him and he let his thoughts be known. Still enjoyed his visit though, because of course time with the apple outweighs (in more ways than one) all those grievances. I'm so tired of waiting to be with him. But things are still in limbo, he wants to be a scholar like Buster Bluth.

And so dealing with admission cycles and getting funding puts marriage on the back burner. Unfortunately in our religious context we don't really have the liberty to be together outside of being married. That being said, I have another year at least to focus on myself still have a bit of work to do towards my fitness goals and growing up in general.

I had some deep thoughts while walking to work this morning that have distanced themselves now. I'll get back to you on that one.

So, how have you been?