The End, now start over.

SO. The ape and I are over. I have to write about it because everyone I speak to tells me how great this is for me, that I seem happier.. lighter. Cheers guys. I know he wasn't a favorite, but he was a good guy. Well I loved him. Love him. There was a lot of misery. A lot. Even you guys know, sadly enough. I've been saying we will get married for years now, every year. Okay it didn't happen this year.. next year for sure. That kept us going for six years. SIX!!! I am now 26. Bloody hell. I missed 21, 22, 23, 24, 25. I was pretty miserable during the last. I was miserable when I was supposed to having the most fun of my life. Here's how it happened. No, sorry, you don't get the benefit of paragraphs. Pay attention. I had some training for work, where I - get this - made friends! I actually made friends! I wasn't miserable, I had lots of fun, lots of laughs. I realized, this is what life is supposed to be. Especially when you're in your mid twenties. So when training ended, I called him and told him it was over. I had done this before, told him I wanted to break up, but this time it was for real. Too much had gone by, I was angry about too much. If he wanted to marry me, I said, he would have by now. He had had six years! There was so much promise in the beginning, and still nothing had happened. I had done everything. I was making all the sacrifices. I got on the plane more often than he did, I went to Sydney for a 3 day trip when he was upset his grandmother died. I did everything. OH- you knew this was distance all along less a year, didn't you? I took a job I hated, because well, it was supposed to be temporary. You realize what a strain it is living a temporary life? Year after year goes by the way it isn't supposed to. Because it's supposed to get better, settling for now is okay. I waited and waited for things to get better. So I decided to call it off. He was upset, promised he was coming after me. He had let me down, he had failed me.. himself. He promised. He said this was the best thing because it relieved stress for him, and he would come for me. I said cool but this doesn't mean we are making promises, we are going to see what happens. I wouldn't admit it but I accepted a security blanket of sorts.. kind of like the one I took for 6 years. Knowing that I could do what I wanted but I wasn't single. But something happened. Last week we argued again and he didn't call or email. Until I emailed a meek 'How are you?' on Sunday. He responded with no more, this is over. And he's moved on. He's done. Today we spoke again and I was bawling, apologizing. Why? I had started this! He said I wasn't a good partner, I couldn't be his support structure. He couldn't be mine. We were too different, we both wanted to be on the podium. I am too talented to be his support, and he mine. Seriously. What does that mean? I knew that once he worked his shit out things would be great for us. We would have a beautiful life. We think the same, we laugh at the same things, we value the same things. Who on earth will be him for me? I can't believe it. I can't. I don't want to lose him, but I was so angry with him. First he agreed, begged for forgiveness. Now I am begging. Is it because it's over or because I genuinely want him. I can't be on my own, I'm fucked. What do I do now? Well right now I am going to eat some dinner and do some work. I will return, though. This entry sucks, good thing I am not looking for a book deal and have a day job. Which sucks but at least I can write.

Pulse

Hello? Are you out there? Is this still cool? New Job, New Car, same old me. No wedding yet but ... this is the year. Really.

So, how have you been?

the scene is safe!

Still kicking. I recently took a CPR certification and have decided that I will only administer on close family and people I actually like. If I don't know you or know you a little bit and you are a tit, then peace out. Also, if I know you well and have taken you out for a night of debauchery with my friends and you have squabbled over the bill, don't come to me to breathe for you.

There is not much to rave or rant about these days, or maybe there is and I am just out of gas. Petrol. It is just too expensive. Not because of the price of oil, but the lives it has cost in the past, it is currently costing, and the innumerable deaths in the future. I have taken to our notoriously shoddy public transportation system. You know the one, where drawbridges get stuck and stop rail traffic in and out of Manhattan for up to five hours. Where it is either too hot or too cold and those sensitive switches decide to strike against working in uncomfortable conditions. Or how about the buses that decide to combust not so spontaneously? You have to recognize that it is a little planned, I mean when they are not maintained and the thermostat is over the red, you have to know that something is up.

I have been so bored with the internet. Shopping even, I realized that I was the one sending me all those little packages in the mail and it kind of lost its luster. Especially when I had a look at my credit card. I only got upset because I know that I am supposed to get upset at high numbers on my credit card statement. But really, who cares? I mean I know you have to pay for what you buy, but why give numbers, shapes fashioned by ink on a piece of dried wood pulp, so much meaning? You can't actually touch the numbers, only more wood pulp. I guess to take the pressure off of ourselves. Income, home value, net worth is a lot easier to build than yourself. What is money anyway, or even gold, for that matter? You take it out of the bank to give to people as gifts and shit, and you get gifts and shit and put it back in. Or in my case, spend it. But still, you get more shit. The point is that it just goes around in a circle and causes a series of events that also don't have any meaning in and of themselves. Giving gifts on birthdays, holidays. Expecting gifts on birthdays and holidays. I honestly love buying things for others much more than for myself, and not for occasions, but giving something to a person who really appreciates it is a great event. I want to buy it even though it is obscenely priced, but the resulting exchange would cause so much discomfort that I walk away empty handed. Mostly because you can never just give someone something because it is something you want them to have. There comes the whole coy game: No! You shouldn't have! But I wanted to. No! You shouldn't have! But I wanted to. etc. Then the little, flicker across their forehead that goes: Shit, now I have to get her something. Gifts are not really gifts, my dear friends. Nothing that comes wrapped in bullshit will ever be a true gift. So then, what is a true gift? There is always some level of self-interest or satisfaction to be had which classifies it a selfish act. Is there a such thing as a Good Man? Aristotle, care to weigh in on this? Crap, I wish I had never sold my freshman year humanities books. I don't know what I am talking about, I am probably going to disagree in the morning but who cares. It's my blog.

Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?

I am disappointed with the reaction to the Pope's speech last week. On the simplest level, the violent protests and the killing of the nun in Somalia would lead anyone to believe that there was truth to the reference. Obviously the remarks were incorrect, even if they were quoted, why would you quote ignorance? But why is there such a response? I understand that it is not in a vacuum, that it is part of this overwhelming sense that there is a crusade underway but ultimately, isn't the point of faith.. faith? Isn't this just another test, why is there so much insecurity.. why when we know the Truth and when we have faith and believe in the final judgement do we feel threatened? Why so violent in response, why not try to demonstrate the peace and tolerance and love or any of the 99 traits embodied by the Almighty? Why are we so easily shaken? I say we.. they. I'm not even suggesting forgiveness but why even acknowledge? End of the day, we are so busy destroying ourselves with corruption and cheating and lying nothing anyone says is going to make a difference. At the end of our lives we answer to the Almighty, that is the opportunity of our faith. When we say we believe, that is a lie when we also believe something can threaten the finality of that moment. I dont understand.


The reactions are predictable in the context of poverty and an extension of disrespect and a lack of opportunity. The remnants of colonialism. Religious fervor does not play a significant role, it is merely an avenue to vent other frustrations. Coupled with the lack of education opportunities to know more about their own faith, to deepen it by challenging it beyond their socio-political context.

Mango Acai Berry Green Tea

Good news everyone! Still alive and kicking. Is anyone out there? Hello? No? Okay, well that is allright I suppose. We all move onwards and upwards at some point in our lives. I have not yet had the good fortune of crossing said point but am comforted by the prospect. One of the coolest things I discovered in my house is this Apple Airport Express, it plugs into an outlet and relays my itunes playlist to a stereo. Endless entertainment. Despite having lived in this country for over twenty years, my father has a difficult time understanding myself and my siblings when we speak in our yankypranky accents. I often have to repeat what my seventeen year old sister says to him not in a different language but with an accent so he understands the english words. The comedy in this situation is in the fact that he understands ebonics better than anyone I know. One evening I was watching 'Malibu's Most Wanted' and my sister and I were trying to figure out what the main character said in one phrase only to be silenced by our father's explanation. He also understands what rappers say, no matter how fast they speak. This is a phenomenon that I will expand upon later. If only I was comfortable enough to post a picture of my father online you could appreciate the humor in its entirety.

I have watched three good friends get married this summer. Very odd to think my contemporaries are at this point but I might as well go along with it. Very interesting dynamics at all three weddings. The first consisted of about 20 people in a house on a rainy afternoon in Long Island. The second enormous and beautiful and high profile in Indiana. The third threatened by Ernesto in her back garden in Delaware. I learned a great deal about people I know and realized that not enough can be said about the idea and ideal of love.

On that note, tea is finished, I will write.

White Power

So here we are and Israel has the right to defend itself. I don't know what to do. I have been travelling and have only been able to follow it on the news and what I hear this morning is:
"A rocket fired into Lebanon hit an apartment building but remarkably, there was only one casualty."

You sick bastards, one life lost is a victory to you? That life had parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, children. I hate the American media with a passion and if they ever grew a conscience and offered a semblance of honesty, that will be a beautiful day for this country. As long as they continue to be their simplistic, fear mongering selves they will continue to be utterly useless and detrimental members of society. Drug dealers are a greater benefit to our social structure than the US media. FOX and CNN in particular.

More to come, hopefully in less than four months.

peace please

Hello,

I'm still around. Been running like a madwoman, a lot fitter and work is totally different. No longer dealing with untrained monkeys, rather, they're in pre-school now. Planning a September wedding and trying to make room on my hard drive for the new Scrubs episodes. Wonder if any of the old cronies are still around, might take a bit of a stroll around the neighborhood to see who's kicking and who's peaced out. That's it for now, I'll try to keep this a bit more regular but that is unlikely given the beautiful weather that is soon to be upon us.

ar

A post in November

But wait! There is more!
Hope you all have been well and happy and fulfilled these past weeks. Hopefully you are still around to even read this. There have been a whole lot of little things keeping me too busy to write. The break has been okay, I haven't really missed this at all. I guess when I am happy and making progress I don't have much time to moan. I mean happy in the progressive sense. I still am in a job I am embarrassingly overqualified for but I am making more money and have transferred to an office where the people are a lot more normal. Normal in the sense that they are not idiots. Still hate the job, though. I have been working a lot more and working out a lot and am getting into some mean shape. In addition, I did some travelling trying to cope with the earthquake last month.. or more like trying to help people cope with the earthquake. That has taken quite a toll and while I would love to share pictures of tenths of families, I was too ashamed to take them. The disaster and the ensuing chain-reaction of disasters are not for display, not for me to document and speak about as if I know what it means to lose everything. All I know is the feeling of helplessness and emptiness that resulted from the knowledge that I would get onto an airplane and return to a world that belongs to an entirely different reality. No images or arrangement of letters could possibly relay this sensation.

Outside of that, there is not much to report. Not that that is worth reporting, but here it is. Trying to organize the rest of my life.. or the next ten years anyway, has kept my mind occupied. Ape is well and his usual unemployed self but that is looking to change early next year. Hopefully there will be an apple-ape engagement and wedding next year but do not want to tempt fate. Just want to get out of this rut and move onto the next phase.

I also thought you should know that this winter I will be sporting a cream white cashmere hat with a red apple on the side.

out

Okay so I have had a few blog ideas these past weeks but just didn't write. There you go. I have had a few friends in town from Sydney and they have been keeping me well busy and I am now sick from lack of sleep and the changing weather. Well they are all living in London now and came over for a birthday celebration (not mine). I don't know why I agreed to go clubbing as I think it is quite possibly the most useless exercise there is, but I did and ducked out at a respectable 4am, came home slept 3 hours and was awakened by my father to go play golf. I really don't understand why anyone would go to a club, aside from the obvious. I mean I can see if you are a dirty greasy guy, that's where you go to try to grab a bit of girl. If you are a skin-and-bones girl who looks better with her mouth closed, that's where you go to get grabbed and look apalled. The whole spectacle is kind of amusing. People standing on lines that wrap around city blocks for the off-chance they may be admitted to the dimly lit rooms with thumping walls to strut around and try hard to look like they're not trying hard. Come on. Yours truly, of course, strutted straight through via the elusive guest list and went and sat in a corner and just watched. Upon first glance, everyone is gorgeous, fit and rich. Closer observation reveals the fear of being uncovered. I am judgemental. Deal with it. I can't count how many times I was asked, 'What is wrong?' Leave me the fuck alone, I am so thoroughly entertained.

I am so socially retarded it is unbelievable. I met some lovely people that night and couldn't think of anything to say without sounding like a total idiot. My sense of humor clearly is not for everyone and I need to work on it. This one room at one of the lounges that was bathed in the light of our presence was full of East Asians.
One of our crew comes back to report: "It is chock full of Asians and a few black guys in the corner", to which I respond: "There are always a few black guys in the corner."
There was a pause and a polite chuckle. I was too busy revelling in my own wit, as I often am. I need to get out more, but when I do, I come home disgusted. There are not many interesting and intelligent people about. There are quite a few interestings ones, and quite a few intelligent ones; but the combination is rare. So why bother?

I had more to say but my tum is grumbling. Blogging will be more regular henceforth. Kind of.

Oh, Greg Brady was eating at the table next to us. See, I can be trendy.

Goals

I just entered into a 5K race because I need a reality check. The race is in one month and I used to run 10 miles in under 90 minutes so this is not unattainable, even for a chub like me. The thing is, I have to be dignified when I do it because I'm sure to see people from my tormented childhood and I have to be better than them. Childish, small-minded, but as long as it motivates my arse to get into shape I don't care how immature I am being. I'll have a not-so-soft arse and that will be that. So, C, I'll get your bloody book and maybe do it while being able to hear my heart explode within my very ears. Happy?

In other news, I have still not found a job that I want .. or more likely, the job that wants the apple has not yet found me. I had a chat with an old friend I met during one of the coolest internships anyone can ask for, and he told me to .. shit I don't remember what he said. I think it was something about getting in everyone's face, which is kind of what I have been doing - harassing everyone I know but they all think I'm a joker. I mean, who pisses off to Australia for a year to do a useless degree? That's what they are asking me and I don't have the response timed quite right. Speaking of useless, nothing I am trained in is good for anything. I should have been one of those business students I used to snicker at. They're doing what I want to do and I'm sitting here with my face pressed up against the window. Except they're much stupider and smarter than I all at the same time. Practical has only recently entered my vocabulary and has a direct correlation to my increasing levels of grumpiness. The more often I incorporate it in my thoughts, the grumpier I am. Since when is it not okay to take a trip to 'find myself'? I didn't use the cookie cutter program and now they're punishing me. Stupid bastards, I resent the world they live in yet I want to join it. No room for me, I don't think. Not sure quite where to turn. All I know is that if I stay where I am past December, I may never quite recover from this nightmare.

This great nation..

I know you lot have been waiting with baited breath for my commentary on Katrina. Here it is. Disorganised, but so am I.

The people who could leave and didn't absolutely deserve the hell they are in right now, they are risking others' lives because of their stupidity. Those who couldn't leave are another story. The inaction and bungled action taken by authorities on all levels is just ridiculous. If you don't think they had enough notice, listen to this clip. It was obvious.

Bush's first glimpse was from his airplane (not helicopter) and I cannot think of a better metaphor to illustrate his level of concern. Then he has the nerve to ask people to donate money. What the hell? This country is so proud of its wealth and power yet at this crisis, this shameless president is asking us to donate? Fuck that, I didn't tell them to squader billions in Iraq. I didn't tell them to give billions to Israel. Should have thought about home first, don't you think? Donate my ass.

The most interesting aspect, to me, is how capitalism is at play on all levels. Wal-Mart and Sam's club managed to deliver 2400 trailer loads of supplies - water, food, ice within days. The first 170 arriving the very next day. The very corporations that are the subject of widespread of criticism for their raison d'etre. On the other end of the spectrum, there were the painful scenes of tens of thousands being forced to live like animals, the rapid decline into gang warfare and anarchy. That, my friends, are the foundations of this great nation. How great it is to be an independent and free nation. Freedom from taxes, freedom from community responsibility. It is the norm to try to evade minimal taxes and then turn around and expect the government to provide everything. The only sense of responsibility is towards oneself, to take care of the here and now and let everyone else take care of himself.

End of the day, my friends, you can understand a society by observing how it treats its weakest members. For a week we watched as tens of thousands of poor, black Americans suffered, slept, lived in their own waste. One week. This is the wealthiest nation in the world with a GDP of $11.4 Trillion in 2004. Per Capita Income of over $40K. This is the system we want to distribute to the rest of the world? We have been advertising the life we live here, but who would want this? Is this risk worth it? When crisis hits, why would anyone want a government inept and incapbale of responding? Isn't managing crisis a fundamental responsibility of leadership? This is the same democracy that protects your freedom to wear halter tops and mini skirts with thongs hanging out and to carry guns. We are so free that the government just doesn't care.

So Blogger has made a few upgrades, eh? Retard-proofing. Though blogging never quite had an intelligence pre-requisite to begin with. It is accessible to you even if you are illiterate. I don't know why I think I'm above fads. I hate those freaking yellow wristbands. Great, you made a $5 donation. Congrats. Now you get to wear a bright yellow wristband like an asylum escapee. I know, I know - it is all for the children.

Belize was cool. I got to go diving and things in the Blue Hole which is so blue you just won't believe it. I'm telling you, the colour simply doesn't exist. Also went tubing through some caves, which scared the crap out of me because it was pitch black and I have this inconquerable phobia of dark water. I can't even sit in a car at the beach at night. Not that I do those sorts of things, but you know, the idea doesn't sit with me.. sitting in a car staring at the ocean at night. It is just freaky. Ocean during the day is enough to send chills up my spine. You just don't know what's there. Well the really scary part is that you have a fairly good idea of what's there and it's ugly and with big teeth. You can imagine my favourite part of the trip was kayaking out at night and snorkelling around. Fuck that, never again.

The bastards at Houston International insisted that I take my film out of the XRay proof bag and that my film would not get ruined by the machines despite the warnings posted on every inch of wall space. I insisted that he check my film and camera manually. He insisted more, and with a badge. My name is distinctly Arab. I put it on the belt and lost about eight of my sixteen rolls. But here are some of the survivors, no particular order... just pictures. I'll post them with stories if I can be arsed later on.

Mayan ruins in Tikal, Guatemala. This rainforest has had about 700 years to cover a spread of yet to be excavated temples and palaces.

spider monkey

Elderly Mayan couple minutes before said

monkey unleashes some monkey rain.

Okay fast forward a 2 hour bus ride and a 45 min water taxi to an island 650m across.













Sunrise on Caye Caulker, Belize. ... And sunset (kind of).













Nothing like a fast-approaching tropical storm to set the mood for a day of diving. First time in my life I could make out streams of rain in the distance. Do you see it? It's called 'white rain'. We were able to enjoy some lovely sun during our time on the water, but were caught on the way back in. Visibility is reduced to about 6 metres.. the contrast of the grey-white rain and fog and the bright turquoise water is indescribable. Nevermind the loss of direction, were joined by a lovely family of wild dolphins. Idiot Aussies had to make their mark: "Feed them some sardines!"

More to come later on.

Okay this formatting worked when I was on the idiot-proof page. I'm blaming blogger. Good luck.

All in a day

Today, I saw Tiger Woods play golf. It is another game, he is a genius and I love him. Properly love him. If, after watching this in motion, it is not love, I do not know what is.

Unbelievable.

Tomorrow, I leave for Belize for just shy of two weeks. Anticipate coming back bronze, rested and happy. Happy being the key word. Hopefully will have lots of quality pictures to share on my return. Keep well!

More Tiger



and the 18th hole.


(click on the images to get up close and personal)

A quick one in the morning

I missed my train and hell if I'm standing in this outdoor sauna for a second longer than I have to. Another day of frizzy, stinky and sticky Manhattan blocks. Not a problem. Job prospects are interesting but I have to be smart and not get stuck in shit again. My connections are turning out to know less than I do about where the 'best' place to be is, and instead are trying to woo me to marketing. Marketing my ass. Though who better to know what people want and need than the apple? No one, I say. Time to step it up a notch and market the apple. Hopefully I'll double my salary, get a place on the waterfront and a dolphin grey S4. Then my life will be perfect.

The thing about this blog is, that I never really got what I wanted out of it. You may say that I can only expect to get out what I put in, but that's kaak. Okay, maybe you have a point. I think it may be my relationship that may be killing me. How do you cope when you know the best thing in your life is going to be the demise of all that is you? How melodramatic. You all have been silent on the mating part of your lives, and I wonder if there's something to that. There's always a chance he'll stumble upon this and that will be the end of me. But then, if he hasn't already, who's to say he will? Maybe subconsciously, I want him to read this because I can't say what I need to and sometimes even want to. Can't bring myself to do it directly so instead, like a coward, I write this blog as an answer to my problems. Onwards and upwards, I say.

update

So I'm on the hunt for a new job. For something that's going to require blood and sweat and that's going to reward me very handsomely. I don't care anymore about the ideals of justice.. it's a bunch of crap. There is no such thing. Ultimately, all there is to settle, have a few babies, raise them to be the best human beings possible by teaching them the very ideals that have become almost laughable in my late age of 23. Then they'll become disillusioned and start the cycle over again. Forget justice, there is no such thing. There are and will always be 9 year old kids working in sweatshops. There are and will always be 9 year old girls and boys being traded like animals for sex. The filthy rich leaders driving Maybachs down dusty streets lined with beggars who, when they were children, were kidnapped and intentionally disfigured to invoke pity. The shrinking middle class trying to cope with the shrinking flow of cash. The fake boobs and premature balding Jones living next door. No, there's no such thing. The withering old bloke breaking his back in 40C heat will die on a straw mat while I drive by in an air conditioned car, to an air conditioned home and strive to maintain ultimate control over my climate. That's all there is. Justice is nowhere to be seen in this bubble.

Smells like goat

Where to begin. Ape and I have been having it a bit rough. No not having it, but at it. My mother is very bad for my health. I know this is the typical time for me to resent her, I'll love her when I'm older blah .. but every influence she's had on me has been negative and there really isn't much of a bias in that conclusion. Be that as it may, I can't just walk away.. some bizarre sense of duty and loyalty keeps me here begging for more abuse. Ape, being the heavy foreheaded creature that he is, is having none of it and wants me out now. Thing is Ferdinand is a gem, and although I wish he defended me against my mother, his intentions have been genuine. So I need to ship out and I have no idea how I'll orchestrate that. Picking up and moving to the UK isn't quite an option just yet, and even moving out is going to throw future financial plans into a tizzy. Renting a shoebox in Manhattan for $2600 is just not an option. Well it is but not worth considering. Rather pay a mortgage.. but I digress. Point is, Ape and I should be allright but I have to be stronger towards my mother for my own good. Now how to do that I don't know.

Completely different note, summer is shaping up quite nicely. Amazing how nice it is not to be a lazy sloth once in awhile. Spent the weekend in the city with good friends.. there really is no substitute. I go MiA for months at a time, can't be arsed to contact anyone but they still come to drag me out of the woodwork and we stay up until morning being aimless and chatting. And then when I want to sleep, they sit and play Wish You Were Here. That's love.

My anti social behaviour weeds out the chinks in the chain, can't tell you how many people have dismissed me out for not returning emails and not phoning them when they were abroad in New Zealand. Good riddance, I say. I'm not one for formalities, I don't ask how things are going unless I am genuinely interested. What is it about doing something for the sake of doing it? You can see that logic applying to skydiving, but friendship isn't for the sake of friendship. It's the connection that keeps us coming back to each other. What did Aristotle say about a man who is good for the sake of good? I don't remember, freshman Humanities was a long time ago. Feel free to enlighten me. Hopefully it follows my point. It just is, and when it is, it's beautiful.

Met these two when I was working in Islamabad. They made me laugh there and make me laugh now. Yasmine, complete with stunning blue eyes, is just like me only better looking. She's staying in Manhattan with her brother for the summer.. doing a Master's in Architecture and Urban Planning. When I was five years old I wanted to be an architect and I have no idea why I never did it. But I can live vicariously through her. Milton is just brilliant. He talks and talks and talks and talks and you just have to stop responding for him to shut up. The most astute, generous, charming and sincere person you'll ever meet, with an adorable baby face to boot. He's been married for two years though I have not yet met his wife. He was married shortly after I left Isloo, and then they both came to Boston and froze their arses off. She went to do her medical residency in the sticks of Illinois, and he, after completing his Master's in Public Health from none other than Harvard on a Presidential Scholarshp, is now consulting in a field completely unrelated. I have to brag about them because they're fantastic people and I miss Milton now that he's returned to this rented bedroom in Brighton. I see Yasmine almost everyday for lunch in the park. This was a meandering post, but so grateful for the amazing people in my life. What a cheese.

Wacko

So Wacko is off the hook. Might as well be. I haven't followed it, don't particularly care. Don't really know what the story is but I guess one never does. I must say, though that I've caught a glimpse of the enigma that is wacko jacko in none other than the beatiful City of Exeter. Is Exeter a city or a town? Anyhow, I glanced over at a passing limo with the rear window cracked only to find a video camera looking back at me and upon closer inspection, I saw non other than that famous ashen face with the unnatural nose. I knew he was in town doing something or other with Uri Geller, but never expected to see him. Only problem is that he has me on tape in a place I have never officially visited. I was in Spain for that summer, supposedly. In fact, I snuck over to the British Isles for some quality time with the ape unbeknownst to my trusting parents. And none other than wacko is in possession of the tape that can ruin my good name.

Summer is such a brilliant time of year. I always extol the distinct various seasons we experience here: bitter cold winters, blooming springtime, searing summers and lovely autumn colours. That said, summertime is where it's at. Of course I'll moan about the 87% humidity and not feel comfortable even after I've showered twice a day but there is this feeling of revival and life when walking in the heat of the sun. There is no substitute for summer evenings, hands down the happiest moments of my life. I remember my last days at university when the magnificent Mira and I sat on the roof of my brownstone and discussed the meaning of life and what to have for dinner. That soothing blue glow that settles as the sun does, cooling the air and calming the nerves. In Sydney, I'd sit on my little balcony with the handomest Staffie you've ever seen resting his head on my toes while I read Tony Hawks' Playing the Moldovans at Tennis. I've decided I'm going to be spending June through September in the Northern Hemisphere and the rest of the time way down south. There is nothing like a Southern Hemisphere summer. I was made for the tropics, there is something so invigorating in the rich colours that come alive in the sunlight and the warmth of the evenings that is lost in the deciduous forests of the North East. Anyhow, I'm in a rare mood, hopefully this sticks.

golf therapy

You just have to swing it. Stop thinking about it, you don't need to guide it. All you need to do is be aware of the weight shift from your right to your left, let everything else be loose. Everything else will follow. Okay, now what went wrong there was that you held on too long. You tried to hit it. Now just let it go, don't focus on it, all that matters is the next ball. When Tiger hits it in the woods, he doesn't get upset, he just thinks about his next shot and that's how he gets onto the green. Now get yourself out of the woods, all you need is one shot.

That's all there is to it. See, if I tell you to picture a lemon and then I tell you to forget about it, there is no way you're going to get the lemon out of your head. The second you think about something else is when you'll forget. I want you to think of lemons when you're trying to hit this ball. It's not about hitting the perfect shot. Well it is, but you can't be obsessed with the perfect shot. It's better for your game if you focus on minimizing your mistakes. But then again, you can't be focusing on your mistakes. It's not so technical. When you finish today and I ask you how you did, you're going to tell me everything you did wrong. I can't wait for the day you tell me about the great shots, the errors you were able to correct with the next shot.

Now, just get into a routine. Take two practice swings everytime, feel the shift. Forget about your arms and your hands, they'll get to where they need to be. Just swing it. Right to left. Once you establish the consistency of a routine you can't go wrong. Just swing it.

Now see, what a beauty! Why do you look so surprised?

That's not surprise, that's shock.

Yeh, that's the beauty of it. After 50 years, I still get surprised.

I'll get bored without the surprise.

The Emperor's New Clothes

Excuse me, Netflix, but since when is Pulp Fiction an independent film? Quentin Tarantino is the most overrated director around. His movies are like the emperor's new clothes. There is nothing there but a whole lot of yelling, guns and Uma Thurman in spandex. Yet he has a following, these overt theater types who see meaning in the crap he spews forth, as if he actually has a message behind the anime and swordfights. He is a quack, get on with it. What is wrong with these smelly hippies thinking they're above and beyond normality, everything they do has to be from far left otherwise its not authentic. Freaking hippies.

summertime

This is promising to be a fantastic summer, with the right doses of laziness and laughs. Hanna is going to be in the city for the entire summer starting next week, living with her ever so handsome brother and it will be great. Hanna is my fabulous friend I met working in Islamabad for a summer, she's currently doing her master's in architecture and is brilliant, funny and ditzy all at once. Mostly, she's just honest. Mira is going to be coming down on the weekends, and we're going to go to Cape Cod for at least one weekend. I've been living in a social desert for the past few months, peppered with spurts of debauchery. Not the evil kind, purely innocent but fun nights out and they are so refreshing. I'm tired of being tired from work and have stopped being a lazy three-toed sloth and it's so refreshing. It is my first summer that it's not a holiday summer - summer doesn't mean anything to these corporate types except that it's light later and that means we should work mote because it doesn't seem as late at 7pm. Not me, though. I'm leaving in a few months and moving on to something that requires more than a dumb monkey. I really honestly don't understand the ego that brokers carry around with them - their job is shit. It's a lot of money for shit, but really you can make a lot of money doing something even a little bit more interesting. I'd take a huge paycut to do something that was mentally engaging.. any ideas? I really honestly do enjoy economics, numbers and logic. But then the hours of a research analyst are often ridiculous and lest you forget, I'm lazy. I also don't want to wear a suit to work which may end up being a decisive factor.
Anyhow, my point was that summertime is here and it's going to be awesome. Lots of parties and things going on and time to return from my sabbatical.